It is no secret that I have long struggled with boundaries, in pretty much every facet of my life. Today I want to focus on professional/personal, since that’s the most common one people like myself are terrible at. Because I have some thoughts.

Continue reading “On Boundaries” →

Welcome to mid year! In an unexpected twist, I’m still in my childhood home in Colorado, but not for long, because… Quinn and I got an apartment! For a bit more per month than we’d hoped, but in a great location (an 8 minute walk from Vinny) with amenities we really wanted. We’re moving June 29th, with zero furniture and probably not quite all our stuff, but it’ll be nice to be on our own again (though we’ll miss CJ and the garden and all the space Colorado affords)

1. Start every day by reading. Check! I have literally started my day every day this year by reading. Sometimes it’s just a page or two on my Kindle app, sometimes it’s a full twenty minute sesh. It’s nice to not start my day on Twitter or email or Slack; highly recommend. Because my progress is fairly slow, I’ve mostly been continuing to make my way through Outlander book 5, The Fiery Cross. There’s a lot to like (the day to day of living on Fraser’s Ridge, with the two future women figuring out how to use 1700s tech to make penicillin and interior plumbing and syringes), but there’s also a lot to dislike (y’all… the amount of rape is too damn high).
2. Take 2 full days off work a month. So far, so good, barely! May has been much better due to Mother’s Day weekend presenting an obvious reason to be in the moment and my brother visiting for the first time since Christmas 2019, so if I was trying to be a real stinker I’ve technically banked enough days off to get me through two more months of ALL WORK ALL THE TIME. But I’m trying not to be a stinker or a workaholic this year. Also, if you want to check my work, my days off have been: January 16 & 31; February 20, 21; March 22, 27; April 5, 17; and May 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, and 23.
3. Cultivate 2 non-monetizable hobbies. Have gotten back into painting already, which has been SO GREAT. I have a mood tracker app now for some reason and even after a shit workday, if I paint for a little while it has a huge impact on my mood, especially if I paint outdoors. I also learned how to plant a garden/pot flowers, which I hope to continue in LA.
4. Save $3k. It’s amazing what you can do when you aren’t paying NYC rent. I’m gonna try to exceed this savings goal by as much as possible, especially given our new apartment is maybe a little bit of a stretch per month, plus our new car (and gas and insurance) payments. But that’s why you have a savings account! I’m better at tracking my budget now, too, so I think I’ve got this.
5. Make progress on my physical health. Part of my morning routine since being in Colorado (see #9) has been taking my mom’s dog for a walk every weekday morning. We also have helped a lot in my mom’s garden, take the dog for walks in the park, and home cook nearly every meal. It’s not enough, but I hope that my new apartment’s two floor 24 hour fitness center will further push this goal forward.
6. Finish a new pilot. Done!! The Crossriver Case Files is an adaptation of my best friend Rachel and I’s childhood detective agency, with an imagined future where we are estranged but then find ourselves living in our hometown again after the murder of our favorite teacher. It’s been getting pretty good feedback so far, and I really love it, and I hope something happens with it.
7. Submit to (or prep for) 2 writing contests/fellowships per season. I’ve really blown past this estimation because the first half of the year is kinda fellowships/contest season, so I’m not sure how much more I’ll submit to. Especially once my living expenses go up again (screenwriting contest submissions are EXPENSIVE). So far, I’ve submitted to:
   1. February: Stowe Story Labs (ACCEPTED! See ya this week, Stowe!!), Script Pipeline TV Writing Contest
   2. March: Script Pipeline First Look, Austin Film Festival, WarnerMedia Fellowship
   3. April: Ubisoft Fellowship, Writer’s Assistant Training program
   4. May: Black List X Women in Film Episodic Lab, Scriptapalooza Fellowship, WeScreenplay TV Contest
8. Make at least one room in my new apartment feel permanent. Well, I’m not in my new apartment yet, but I will be soon.
9. Develop a morning routine. I have absolutely developed a solid morning routine which will need to be tweaked once I get to LA, but I hope the work I’ve already done will provide a solid foundation. I wake up, read a bit, do my skincare routine (a single product, it’s still me after all), walk CJ, make coffee/breakfast, head to work. The only real thing that I’ll need to swap is walking CJ (sad!) but I’m confident I’ll figure something out.
10. Only say yes out of interest or excitement, not out of fear. I’ve said no to a fair few things this year that any other year I probably would have said yes to. It’s not that I don’t think I would have gotten something out of them, but I’m nearly (gasp) 30 and I’m tired, y’all. The boundaries have been really good for me, and they’ve opened me up to making progress on the things I’m really passionate about, which has been really exciting.

Totals:

3 completed

6 in progress

1 no progress (yet!)

 

Feels good! Feels right! See you soon.

Ok a full week into 2021 and an attempted violent coup later (once again, in case I haven’t been clear in other posts, if you support Trump and anyone who’s stood by him, you can see yourself out), I’m ready to outline my intentions for this new, seemingly equally terrible year!

 

1. Start every day by reading. While I didn’t finish every unread book I own for last year’s resolution, I did read a lot more than previously, and liked it. I’ve also been known to doomscroll a bit early in the morning, so since I have my books apps on my phone, I figured this would be a gentler way to wake myself up in the morning. Right now (no judgement) I’m making my way through The Fiery Cross (Outlander book 5, back at it after almost a year’s break)
2. Take 2 full days off work a month. Not day job work (though who knows!) specifically, but as you may know from knowing me, I have trouble with stillness. I’ve cultivated so many side hustles and projects and podcasts that much of last year I went months without taking a day off from work of some kind. And I could feel myself burning out more and more until I was basically ash by the time my holiday break came around. No more burning myself to ash this year. I may not be able to take vacations due to a global pandemic, but by god I should be able to take two days off a month to read and play video games before marching back to the grind!
3. Cultivate 2 non-monetizable hobbies. A companion to the resolution above, one of the reasons I have such a hard time taking a break is because when I’ve nothing to do but plenty I could be doing, I just do those things. Hobbies are a healthier way to handle this inability to sit still, and I specifically want to get back into things I’m not trying to monetize for my intended career. Right now (particularly once I move) I want to get back into painting and maybe amateur herb gardening. Who knows!
4. Save $3k. Against all odds, my savings goal last year went really well (that’ll happen when you work 5 jobs and never take breaks!), and it’s a good thing too, because I’ll be moving, buying a car, and adjusting to a whole new state this year. I don’t expect to save money on top of what I’ll need to take out of my savings to get settled in LA, but I can’t just deplete without attempting to even things out.
5. Make progress on my physical health. Every year I have some kind of physical health-related resolution, and nearly every year it’s the first to fall by the wayside, and it’s crushing. This year, I just want to feel like, at the end of the year, I haven’t make worse choices. Part of this will be trying to get more exercise once I have access to a vehicle to transport me away from potentially infectious neighbors, part of it will be better food habits aided by a hopefully less depressing kitchen, part of it will just be genuinely making my health a priority. I’ve only one body and mind and I ought to be doing better by them.
6. Finish a new pilot. It’s been too long since I’ve gotten a full new writing sample, and now that I’m moving to LA…
7. Submit to (or prep for) 2 writing contests/fellowships per season. Despite my constantly doing work to the contrary, my ultimate career goal is to be a writer. The way I have the most control over my own ambitions is writing contests. Ergo…
8. Make at least one room in my new apartment feel permanent. Something that’s been a problem the last 6 years is the lack of permanence every residence has been plagued with. We never intended to stay in New York, certainly not as long as we did, so we never put down roots. Everything I own is cheap and designed to be taken down and shunted to a new terrible apartment as easily as possible, so nowhere’s ever felt like home. I want at least one room in my new apartment in LA (wherever/whenever that ends up happening) to feel put together without the lingering future frustration of moving and tearing it all down/carrying it down stairs.
9. Develop a morning routine. Despite my entire ability to do things being dictated by routine, I’m very lazy about actually developing one that’s healthy and productive. Some of it is certainly depression – when I was in Colorado last year even for a little while, my entire self felt better and I was able to fall into routines easier – but some of it is just me resisting for no apparent reason. If I want to be healthier in body, mind, and work/life balance, I need to have a routine that hell nor high water can shake me from.
10. Only say yes out of interest or excitement, not out of fear. Nearly every decision I make is based on fear- fear of losing a future opportunity that may come from the current one, fear of losing income, fear of people thinking badly of me. I want to stop making decisions (and saying yes to new jobs/responsibilities) out of fear. No matter how long it takes me to find success in my intended field, I want to enjoy my life before. I don’t want to live my life waiting for when I’ve finally “made it,” when I’ll “finally be happy.” I want to be happy now, even if I’m not professionally fulfilled. I choose happiness, and I trust that I’ll figure it out if one of those other fears comes true.

How about you? What are the intentions you’re setting this fine (terrible) year?

Distressingly, though many an Instagram graphic told me not to worry about accomplishing tasks during a global pandemic, I stayed true to my brand and refused. In fact, I worried HARDER. Like a CHAMP. My results haven’t overly changed since my mid-year check in, but I’m a completionist. Let’s do it!

Continue reading “How I Fared: 2020 NYRs” →

I’m going to attempt to deconstruct two things today: the fact that I, Bri Castellini, am engaged to be married, and recent discoveries in therapy. Because it’s not a Bri’s Own World blog if it isn’t multitasking!

Thing the first: I am engaged! To my partner of 7 1/2 years! I’m very excited, even though marriage is functionally meaningless in modern society aside from some archaic tax laws. I don’t care, though. I wanted to be married, and now I will be, to the person in the world I love and treasure the most.

Thing the second: I have discovered that I have an intensely hard time being sincere, everywhere but particularly in person, and becoming engaged has brought a lot of that to the surface because I realized I was dreading having to tell people in a way that genuinely conveyed my excitement without attempting to minimize the vulnerability through jokes and glibness. Even the title of this blog is glib!

Thing the third: the featured image on this post is a TIE fighter pancake my FIANCÉ and I made on our first date.

Thing the fourth: black lives matter, defund & demilitarize the police. This post will live on as evergreen content but it would be disingenuous of me to not acknowledge the day in which it is originally being posted. Educate yourself and donate what you can to relief efforts and bail funds to support the incredibly brave frontline revolutionaries. For education, I recommend this very thorough resource, and this one, as well as this video and this other video.

I will delete any comment about thing the fourth that is anything but 100% supportive. I am not interested in your both sides nonsense today or any day.

Continue reading “Fiancéd” →

1. Take at least 2 actual vacations, where I don’t work (except for maybe on writing projects, but you’re on thin ice, kid), outside of New York City. You might not know this about me because I keep a pretty chill exterior, but I’m extremely bad about taking breaks and setting boundaries and not overcommitting. Right now it’s 10pm on a Friday during which I’m still technically on vacation and I’m editing a podcast WHILE writing this blog and planning a DnD session for Sunday. Before this most recent Christmas break, I hadn’t had an actual, honest-to-god no-work no-stress vacation for 2 years. In another 2 years I will be 30 and maybe I’d like to live to see 31 before I have a nervous breakdown!
2. Write every week. Not even every day- don’t be crazy. Some days I’m very busy or very tired or need to rewatch Outlander again. But didn’t I say a while ago that I’m a writer? Who wants to write as a career? Maybe I should actually do that more.
3. Save $3500. Quinn and I plan to move to Los Angeles in early 2021, which is not going to be cheap. I also am apparently going on two vacations in 2020, and that ain’t cheap. Also, I’m making more money than I made last year because I have three jobs and a better paying main job, and I need to get my financial shit together because I’m 2 years away from 30 oh my god mortality/adulthood.
4. Make and stay consistent with a budget. Now that I have three jobs and eighteen streaming video subscriptions and an impending move and a laptop battery that apparently needs servicing, once again, my financial shit needs to be together.
5. Make one YouTube video a quarter. Once again I’m pretending like I’m going to step away from production a bit and that may or may not hold true but in either case it’s been like two years since I’ve made a YouTube video on my own channel, something that used to be a really big part of my life which I kind of miss.
6. Make a healthy choice twice a day. This could be two healthy meals, one healthy meal and a workout, two workouts (lol ok Rocky), or a salad and a therapy session. Resolution modifier: I can stack healthy choices, so if I have a randomly amazing day where I work out, eat three healthy meals, and go to therapy, then the day after I can be a complete garbage monster and eat cake for every meal. This makes it a fun game rather than a slog. C-C-Combo!
7. Order out fewer than three times a week. This is both a financial and a health imperative, especially my last year in New York. I know my kitchen sucks and in the summer was so infested with bugs we could not eradicate that we had to buy new shelving units that are wire and open air and we can’t use our cabinets anymore, but also airplane seatbelts have started to get dangerously tight and I travel for work a lot and that’s not gonna fly. (get it)
8. Read all the books I’ve bought but haven’t read prior to January 3rd, 2020. Kinda speaks for itself. Books I’ve bought but haven’t finished/started (it’s a lot of memoirs): Obviously by Akilah Hughes, Bad With Money by Gaby Dunn, The Greatest Love Story Ever Told by Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, This Will Only Hurt A Little by Busy Phillips, Feed by Mira Grant, the rest of the Outlander books (I actually didn’t buy these, I’m sharing a Kindle account with my mom and she already bought them and I read three and a quarter over Christmas break and I MUST FINISH THEM for SCIENCE).
9. Stop over-explaining. I have this habit of feeling like people need way more information than they actually need (especially in work situations) and so in an effort to be thorough I end up rambling, which has the opposite effect that I want (that effect being ‘to be an efficient and valuable collaborator and teammate’). In 2020 I’m going to make an effort to be more concise with my language, requests, and general communication styles, especially when my impulse to over-explain comes from insecurity.
10. Don’t go to your 10 Year High School Reunion. You don’t want to go, but you do want a tenth New Year Resolution for 2020.

Happy New Year, what’re your arbitrary passing of time goals?

1. Write 5 new projects. Partial completion. I have a lot of valid excuses for not completing this resolution, but at the end of the day: I made too many non-writing commitments this year and didn’t make writing a priority like this FIRST RESOLUTION implied I wanted to. Next year, hopefully other things will get more stable. 
2. Host 3 table reads. Partial completion. If you’ll remember, this was on the list because I was allegedly “stepping back a bit from producing this year,” which absolutely did not turn out to be true. I directed Better With You, I released and promoted Sam and Pat season 2, I completed post-production on and began the festival run for Buy In (my latest award-winning project, coming soon!), and I produced and edited 2 podcasts (with 1 still ongoing, which I’m editing as I write this blog). Honestly, I’m glad I did these other things, so I’m not overly upset this one didn’t go to plan.
3. Post one blog and one YouTube video a month. Failure. Listen.
4. Cook dinner at least twice a week. Failure. I did better than could be expected, but I also didn’t live up to this. This year was… hectic.
5. Start or end my day active at least three times a week. Failure. Listen.
6. Release and submit for festivals both projects I have in post. Was done as of July!
7. Leave New York at least 4 times. Final tally:
   1. January- Los Angeles (for family)
   2. January: Washington DC (to see my mom)
   3. March- Los Angeles (for Stareable)
   4. March- Oregon (for Stareable/visiting)
   5. April- Washington DC (for Stareable)
   6. April- Northhampton, MA (for Stareable)
   7. May- Utah (to shoot Better With You)
   8. June- Denver (for LIU-Brooklyn)
   9. July- New Jersey (for the Buy In premiere)
   10. August- Los Angeles (for Stephens College)
   11. September- Los Angeles (for Seed&Spark)
   12. September- Utah (for the Better With You premiere)
   13. September-October- Colorado (to watch my mom’s house)
   14. November- San Diego (for my cousin’s wedding)
   15. December- Los Angeles (for Seed&Spark again)
   16. December- Colorado (for Christmas)
8. Save $2k. After my financial scare and my loss of income for a few months and my dipping into my savings to pay rent… I actually ended up managing to save $2760.74! Since Quinn and I are moving across the country in early 2021 and we’d also like to take at least one vacation, this is a huge success and one sorely needed. After a year of financial panic and insecurity, it feels good to have gotten back on track, prepared for whatever 2020 has to throw at me.
9. Pick my battles. Based on my wording for this resolution, I think I did this. I’m still a person with zero chill to her name, but I like to think I’ve aimed my lack of chill better than I had previously.
10. Be a better adult. Partial completion. I’m still dragging my feet on enough things that I can’t in good conscience call this a complete success, but I’m definitely better off than I was in January.

• Complete: 4
• Partial completion: 3
• Failed: 3

Not bad! Especially given the absolute insanity that was this year. I mean, just look at the travel tally! 2019 was not, by any means, a good year, but it was certainly an interesting one. Here’s to accountability.

So it’s safe to say that this year didn’t go to plan at all. In January 2019 I was fresh-faced and insistent that my motto was going to be “Boundaries and Balance.” I was going to take a step back from production and producing, I was going to take a real vacation or two, and by god, I was going to write. I had a day job at Stareable as their Community Director (starting year 3 of my employment there), a new side hustle in teaching once a week at my old grad program, and was looking forward to a less hectic year ahead.

By February, that  was completely out the window. It’s still a little too soon to talk about the rough stuff of the year, some of which you can probably guess based on context clues and my new years resolutions posts (my 2019 final tally post goes up in a few days), but I would be lying to act as though my year wasn’t creatively and personally fulfilling. So in order, as best I can, here are the cool things that happened: Continue reading “Cool 2019 Things In Chronological Order” →