A tempered response

Note from 2020: I won’t be editing this post but since it’s been getting a handful of views recently, please do keep in mind it was posted in 2010. I was 18 years old. I do not care about your opinions on Twilight and I barely care about my own. This lives on as an archive, not as a stated continued opinion or interest. If you want to know what my current interests are, check out my portfolio here.

This is a response to “Why I Hate Twilight“. The author gives 95 reasons, which I have posted below to adequately respond to. My response will be in red.

• Bella is a perfect character (“Mary Sue”), which Meyer hides by calling her clumsy. Untrue. Bella isn’t a perfect character. In addition to being clumsy, Bella is also horribly insecure and lonely from a lifetime of taking care of other people.
• Being clumsy is not a flaw if Edward always catches her. Yes it is. Flaw means “an imperfection”. Someone helping out with that imperfection doesn’t make it any less of one.
• She can’t do anything without Edward. Also untrue. Bella does lots of things without Edward, but she prefers it if he’s there. And why not? Have you ever seen a teenage girl with her first boyfriend? Her first love?
• And when he leaves she attempts to commit suicide. I don’t believe that you’ve read the books. Because she doesn’t.
• Meyer is living out her own fantasies by writing about Bella, who is clearly herself. Why is that a problem? That’s kinda what writers do.
• The books aren’t well written, just because every other word is a fancy adjective doesn’t make it good writing. She’s not trying to be Fitzgerald or Hemingway. She’s trying to be Stephenie Meyer.
• All the rules Meyer sets for being a vampire are broken by the end of the series. Such as?
• Not only that, she breaks rules set by more esteemed authors. “more esteemed”? You’re an ass. Also, who said she HAS to follow other writer’s rules? Isn’t that kind of hypocritical when you want her to be “more original”?
• The world population will come to an end because all girls who read this book will think they are Bella and will wait for their Edward to come until they are old. And he’ll never come. You’re kind of underestimating people here. When Harry Potter came out, don’t lie and say on your 11th birthday you didn’t hope for your Hogwarts letter to come. That’s the magic of books.
• Bella almost dies fifty thousand times, but Edward always saves her. This is boring. No, it’s how Bella and Edward’s relationship is. Bella is human. A particularly weak and clumsy human. Edward is a vampire. A particularly strong and quick vampire. Should he just let her die? Does THAT make any sense?
• Edward is too perfect and has no flaws either. Even vampires should have flaws besides wanting to suck human blood because it’s natural to them. Edward totally has flaws. He’s a control freak, he’s jealous as heck, and he’s stubborn.
• The reason the books became so popular is because Bella has no personality and any loser can put themselves in her shoes. Isn’t that kind of why Harry is such a great character? Because he’s pretty much an ambiguous character that everyone can relate to? Also, isn’t that also kind of the point? That people can relate to her? They can’t possibly ALL be losers.
• If Bella is so “plain”, why do so many guys fall for her within the first two chapters? Because she’s not plain. That’s just the way she sees herself, which is another one of her flaws that you seem to have overlooked when you skimmed the books for this little criticism.
• Bella teaches women to let the man handle everything, which pretty much is a huge step backward for women everywhere, who have fought for equality. Also not true. Have you read the last book? The series is kind of an adventure in self-discovery for Bella. She’s constantly finding ways to rise to the occasion. Also, Bella, again, has spent her whole life handling everything for everyone else. Wouldn’t you want a break, too?
• Isn’t it convenient that her father always leaves her alone and doesn’t question her? Real parents aren’t that way. That’s her father’s character. He so desperately wants Bella to like him that he stays off her back. At least, at first. If you actually read any of the books, you’d realize that he doesn’t actually leave her alone.
• Lack of character development. You’re being repetitive. I already discussed this.
• Bella is a useless, whining, doll that suddenly has become the idol for girls everywhere. Yeah, because characters like Juliet, who kills herself because her idiot lover killed HIMSELF, are such good role models.
• People say that Twilight is better than Harry Potter. Guess what? WRONG. I’m not gonna disagree here. But that isn’t a reason not to read it. That’s just some people’s opinion.
• Edward is extremely possessive, border-line abusive, and boring as anything. If he’s possessive and border-line abusive, I’d say first that he clearly does have flaws, which you claimed he didn’t, and second that those traits would make him not boring.
• It’s too cliché. Wait, wait, wait. So Meyer doesn’t follow the rules of any vampire literature before her, but it’s CLICHE?? Also, have you ever seen a chick flick? Or picked up a romance novel?
• This book contains no real sex, so it’s not really a vampire novel. You’re killing me. Why is sex a necessity for a vampire novel? Also, read the 4th book if you want to get some sexy kicks.
• Read Anne Rice: those are vampires, not the girly men that Meyer has created. SHE IS NOT OBLIGATED TO USE THE OLD VAMPIRE ARCHETYPES YOU’VE USED THIS ARGUMENT SO MANY TIMES.
• You don’t have to describe the character every two pages, we know all about Edward’s “perfectly toned chest” the fourth time she mentions it. The point of this is that Meyer is continually showing how impressed Bella is by Edward, and how she can’t believe he wants her. It’s a reflection of Bella’s insecurities.
• Bella reflects upon herself through the entire novel to tell important plot developments. Hey Meyer, ever heard of “Show, don’t tell”? Hey, “Sarah Rebecca”, ever heard of “people have different writing styles that you don’t necessarily have to like”?
• She never uses the word fangs in the entire book series, and it’s supposedly about vampire. First, I think you meant to pluralize “vampire”. Second, so? SO???
• Her vampires sparkle. Enough said. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIKE IT. THIS IS NOT A REASON NOT TO READ THE BOOKS.
• Supposedly Meyer never uses the word “said” in the entire first book, instead using breath. If you haven’t read the book yourself, first, you have no place to criticize it. Second, so?
• There is too much face touching. It’s romantic. Just because you’re bitter and loveless, doesn’t mean everyone else has to be as well.
• It’s predictable, and childish. This is redundant and untrue.
• We read the entire series just to laugh at the stupidity of it. You clearly didn’t, as most of your criticisms aren’t grounded in reality.
• Meyer can’t think of original names. The only original name she used was Rennesme, which is combination of two names and doesn’t count. Seriously? That’s the best you can do? “I don’t like her names” THAT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER.
• Vampires can’t get people pregnant. SPOILER! Stephenie Meyer’s vampires can. SPOILER!
• Vampire baseball was just a disgrace. No, you’re pathetic criticism of a series of books is.
• People think Meyer is the best writer ever. People also think Shakespeare is, which he isn’t. People will always think someone is better. Who cares if some people think it’s Stephenie Meyer?
• The plot drags on forever, when it really could have been completed in two books. Debatable. I really don’t think you’ve read these books.
• Wow, yet another “original” plot of forbidden love. OH MY GOD STOP IT WITH THE UNORIGINAL THING THERE HAS BEEN WAY WORSE.
• Why is it called the Twilight Series if only one book is titled Twilight? 1. Not a reason to not read the books. 2. Does it matter?
• It’s too easy to mock. Go on Youtube, how many mocks on Twilight do you see? EVERYTHING is easy to mock. Twilight is just the current favorite.
• They use a drug reference in a book written for ten-year-olds. Not written for 10 year olds.
• Stephanie Meyer creates some interesting characters ie: Jasper and Alice. She then ignores them, and gives them no development. She totally does give them development, especially later in the series. But in the grand scheme of things, as the books are narrated by Bella, Jasper and Alice aren’t really important.
• Every Other Facebook bumper sticker is about Twilight/Edward. EVERY OTHER ONE. If Harry Potter had come out when Facebook was popular, it would have been the same thing.
• Fangirls are so blinded by their love for Edward that they don’t realize the book is terrible. This is untrue and founded on faulty generalizations.
• Stephen King agrees that Stephanie Meyer can’t write “worth a darn”. And I’m not particularly impressed by Stephen King. Your point?
• It’s stupid. Your MOM is stupid.
• Bella. We’ve BEEN over this.
• Bella is Edward’s beard. Not a reason to not read the books, also a bit of a reach given the stated sexuality of Edward is, at the very least, in part defined by his attraction to women.
• Meyer wrote four books about nothing, really. And Shakespeare loaded his plays up with so much extra language that they drag on for three hours longer than necessary.
• Straight men sparkle? Homophobe.
• It’s teeming with grammatical errors. Editing issue. Also, not really a big deal. It’s about the story, not the writing.
• Bella Swan means beautiful swan, which is horribly cheesy. If you lumped together all your criticisms on Bella’s character, you would have a list of pretty much three things. You’ve written a list of 95 things about nothing, really. Sound familiar?
• Edward Cullen is sparkly; crows like sparkly things. So crows like Edward Cullen. Your point being?
• Do any guys actually like Twilight? Yes. I’ve met some.
• If the first 200 pages of your book rely on the mystery of a character’s identity, don’t slap “First, Edward was a vampire” on the back cover. I think that’s an exaggeration. Also, everyone is supposed to know that Edward’s a vampire. But Bella hasn’t read the back cover, has she??
• There’s far too little actual conflict in the story. But this probably stems from having a flawless main character. GIANT SQUID OF ANGER. afljaskfajsfiajskfhjda
• They fall in love way too quickly and it seems fake because no one falls in love instantly, especially teenagers. Romeo and Juliet. Enough said.
• They only love each other because she smells good and he’s hot. There’s no other given reason why. Why do they have to quantify their love to you? Love isn’t always rational.
• It’s just not healthy to teach young girls that True Love involves the guy watching you while you sleep. *rolls eyes* if these “young girls” you keep talking about are really that impressionable, they have bigger problems than reading Twilight.
• Edward is HOT. We get it. This is the exact same thing as another criticism you had earlier.
• She had only been in Forks for a month when Edward had been watching her sleep for two months. Are you sure?
• There’s something disturbing about Carlisle turning only teenagers into vampires. Untrue. Esme wasn’t a teenager. Emmet and Rosalie were in their early twenties as well.
• All Twilight fans are insane, proved by several responses to criticism such as;
  

  “What is your name, address and phone number, just so that i can track you down ank kill You with my super awesom vampire powers THAT I AQUIRED FROM READING THE SERIES!!!!!!!!!!”

  Since when was one crazy comment “all twilight fans”? You’re doing the generalization thing again. Also… lol.

• And this;
  

  “do you WANT a cult of angry twilight luvers like mysef at your doorstep at night trying to behead you????? you shouldnt voice an absurd oppinion like this on the internet.”

  I don’t think we can say that Twilight is the only book series (or media property in general) to ever have crazy fans. Have you ever heard of “My Immortal”?

• And this;
  

  “you must have not read much good litterature in youre life, because if you cannot appreciate the quality of this art;..YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSOUND!!!!!!!”

  Again… lol. Also, READ MY IMMORTAL!

• Isn’t funny how Twilight fans can’t spell and use proper capitalization? By the way, 61, 62, and 63 are real quotes. All Twilight fans? That’s unfair. I can spell and use proper capitalization. I’m a Twilight fan.
• The reason Edward can’t read Bella’s mind is because she doesn’t have one. Oooooh SNAP
• T. Pain would totally win Bella’s heart and beat up Edward because he’s on a boat. I think you’re running out of things to say
• Edward hits on the school faculty to get out of classes. And? I think that’s hillarious.
• We applaud Stephanie Meyer, as she’s got to be a rich woman by now, having found her forte in the insane cult of teenage girls who go rabid over her writings. That sounds like why the Jonas Brothers got popular. “insane cult of teenage girls”.
• Vampires vs. werewolves (isn’t that a Facebook application and such a original idea?) Earlier you were complaining that Meyer ignored all the old vampire rules. Shouldn’t this make you happy??
• There’s nothing worse than a fan girl going insane over a fictional guy. It’s rather pathetic actually, so, um, yeah, get a life and keep reading those books, chickies. Harry Potter? Mr. Darcy? Eh??
• This book was not worth the paper on which it was printed. Unfounded opinion that isn’t a reason not to read the books.
• Bella has no goals and no future, her life revolves around Edward. Teenage girl. First boyfriend.
• WWJTFD: What Would a Judgmental Twilight Fan Do? Answer: attempt to attack with the “cool vampire powers” they gained from reading the series. Awesome! This is just you repeating an earlier argument because you aren’t a good enough writer or critic to come up with another one.
• Even if you like the book, it doesn’t live up to its hype. Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean you should read it.
• Edward is a good VILF, that’s it. He also cares about Bella deeply, something that she’s waited her whole life for. We’ve been over this.
  
• “And I cried numerous times upon realising there would never be an Edward in this world.” quoted from Almuvira Anona on Yahoo Answers. I cried a little when my Hogwarts letter didn’t come. But you won’t judge me about that because I bet you did too.
• A hundred years difference = pedophile. Doctor Who is like 902 and he still gets some. Or… sort of. We can have a different discussion about the suspension of how consent and power dynamics work in media with immortal characters chillin’ with high schoolers, because there may be something here. Interesting it took this long into your list to get to the one valid (though not at ALL specific to Twilight) criticism. 
• It’s a co-dependent relationship stripped down to the bare essentials. Girl: “can’t live without you. I want to change myself to be with you.” Boy: “If you leave me, I will kill myself.” Romeo. Juliet.
• Stephanie Meyer must really be into pedophilia: first Edward and Bella, now Jacob and Renesseme? SPOILER. You don’t think pedophilia is HOT?!?
• New hot couple name for Bella and Edward = Bedward Not a reason not to read it. Also.. lol
• You may think Edward Cullen is smart and fast, but Chuck Norris could take him. Not a reason not to read it
• Bella’s only deep thoughts are, “Edward is so perfect. I love him.” Untrue. She also thinks “I’m not good enough for him” and “I had high heels”
• The only reason I kept reading was to see if Bella could redeem herself by getting over him. You didn’t keep reading. Liar. Otherwise you would realize that most of these arguments are false.
• Jacob, who didn’t abuse Bella and was nice to her, was dumped and she chose Edward. Hmm, masochistic much? It has nothing to do with that. Jacob is also really immature.
• Ms. Meyer writes the way I did when I was twelve years old, doodling in my journal. Then YOU write a book.
• It would have been much better if Jacob and Edward discovered they were gay: no sequels, no whiny Bella. Amen to that. I am in complete agreement with this. That would be hilarious. But I bet a fanfiction already took care of this.
• Many people have enjoyed the making of this, many have helped with it too; in other words lots of people hate Twilight. Lots of people also hate Harry Potter and try to ban it. Just because a book has a lot of [unfounded and generalized] hatred doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it.
• You are allowed to have your own opinion, just like we are allowed to have ours. Get over it. Twilight fans don’t seem to understand that though and attack at the mention of flaw in the book. If I’m allowed to have my own opinion, then why are you generalizing and using incorrect facts to base yours? Also, why are you making fun of people who have different taste than you?
• Light Yagami doesn’t approve of Twilight so neither should you. You. Are. So. Stupid.
• “Cause it’s dumb.” – Random Person on the Street His opinion doesn’t mean anything to me.
• “It’s annoying as hell.” – Random Person on the Street #2 Same here. I’m allowed to have my own opinion, remember?
• Martin Luther would not have not have approved if the book was written during his lifetime. Who lets you post on the internet??
• Harry Potter could beat Edward any day with his magic powers. He totally could. But Bella’s protective shield thing could protect Edward. WHAT NOW?!? (Harry would still win)
• It’s offensive to the entire human race, both male and female. Opinion. Nice of you allow nonbinary/genderfluid folks to make their own decisions about if it’s offensive to their existence or not though.
• The book was so bad we wrote 95 reasons why we hate it. What happened to being allowed to have your own opinion??