[Day 12] This will find a way to you if it kills me

Dear Jason Mraz,

*insert project details here* 

Romantic and social success eludes me for some reason. In turn, this has caused me to lose faith in myself for everything else in my life. I don’t trust myself to be able to hold onto a friendship or even a halfway decent appearance anymore. I’ve been lying to myself for a long time now, pretending to be something I’m not in order to slide under the radar. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself staring into the mirror, loathing what I see and what I won’t let anyone else see. This self-inflicted emotional torture has done and will do me no good.

I remember listening to “The Remedy” and “Curbside Prophet” back in middle school, but I don’t think I ever associated it with you. I know I liked both songs, but music was a fairly small part of my life back then. I was too busy trying to keep my head above water in the strange new world of cliques and unwritten rules. But last year, I turned on the radio in my car and caught the last half of “I’m Yours”. I looked up the song later and found the rest of your music, which consumed several months of my life completely. I found myself connecting to every song, regardless of its topic.

In “Geek in the Pink” I found fun, and the urge to get up and dance every time it came on. In “If It Kills Me” I found my long buried feelings for certain friends that I didn’t want to admit. In “The Remedy” I found strength in myself and in my closest friends. In “Beautiful Mess” I found that it was ok to screw things up once in a while, as long as you were in the pursuit of something good and pure. In “Sleep All Day”, I found relaxation and the advantage of taking it easy sometimes. And finally, in “I’m Yours”, I found myself.

Although the self loathing has not completely dissipated from my psyche, listening to “I’m Yours” always helps me to accept my mistakes and my flaws. When I hear this song, I don’t feel so alone. I see it more as a call to arms than a love song. When I hear this song, I want to proclaim to the world that I love who I am, I love where I’ve been, and I love where I’m going.

So thank you, Jason Mraz, for teaching me how to love myself. Your blogs, songs, and photographs are a constant inspiration to me, and I will be forever grateful of your influence over my life.

Regards,

Bri