I know. I know. I KNOW. I lied. I’m sorry. Tomorrow I will be caught up. And I know the three of you reading my blog will be very upset, but hopefully the rest of this post will allow you to pity me enough to let it slide.
For those of you who haven’t had anyone say it yet, Happy Valentines Day. No exclamation point. Sorry. So guess what I did for my day? Hot date? Baked for a significant other? Had a single girls day out?
Nope. I helped my dad move the majority of his stuff into an apartment. His apartment. Where he’s going to live. Alone.
By now you’ve probably guessed it. My parents are getting a divorce. Well, technically, they’re “separating”, but no one has much hope for reconciliation.
I’ve known about this… twist for a few weeks now, and I’ve been mulling it over in my head how to tell everyone. A lot of people already know, as I kind of came out about it gradually, but for those of you who didn’t know… well… now you do.
Now, this situation sucks on a couple levels. Let’s explore.
Level one: shallow.
I’ve always been the stable kid. I had two parents that loved each other, a house, food on the table, and a decent amount of funds to get me what I needed. I was never hungry or cold or anything. My parents never had giant fights, they never got drunk and hit us. We were a nice, steady, middle class family amidst a world of divorcees and broken homes. Not anymore.
Level two: slightly less shallow.
I’m finally justified in being depressed, which isn’t really a good thing. It was kind of nice knowing that my depression was always fairly bearable, next to the stuff everyone else had to go through. Although I was often guilty for being sad all the time, I’d rather have that than be legitimately miserable.
Level three: just past shallow.
My parents are trying to sell our Eurovan because we won’t need it to go on family vacations anymore, because we’re not a family. Sure, we ARE family, but we’re not A family.
Level four: moderate deepness.
Knowing how much alike I am with my dad, it freaks me out that I’ll do this one day. I’m now even more terrified of commitment because I don’t want to fit into the majority percentages of marriages that end in divorce.
Level five: More than moderate deepness. (we’re getting precise, eh?)
No achievement feels like anything anymore. “Hey, I got first place at national qualifying congress! I’m going to nationals- oh. You’re still separating.” “Geez, I just got second place in LD, only one point behind the first place finisher, in my first ever tournament competing in LD, which is grea- where’s all of dad’s stuff?”
Level five: deep.
Coming home to a half-empty house and a mother red-eyed from crying is never fun. I cried a lot at first, but now I’ve decided that covering it up is just easier. Because everyone needs me to be the strong one. I’m the one orchestrating Valentines Day chocolate. I’m the one bringing home goodies from Barnes and Nobles. I’m the one making sure that everyone is at least kind of ok. Me crying does no one any good.
In case anyone is still reading this and in the even smaller case that someone is wondering about that haiku I posted a while back, yes, it’s about the separation. The “lighthouse” is my parent’s marriage, the “ship” is my perception of my future romantic life, and the “water” is marital cynicism and divorce rates. That’s all for scansion with Bri, have a great rest of your Valentines Day.
(This can’t be much more depressing than my “death to cupid” song a couple years back…)
Honey. I am so sorry. I love you, and I will always be here for you if you need anything. Don’t ever forget that. But, hot damn, Bri. You lost to DAVID MOK LAMME by ONE point. Don’t let that get pushed to the see because of this. You are a beautiful person inside and out and you are strong and will get throught this.
I love you, let’s watch Disney movies and eat snocones and not think. I’d like that 🙂
The one who has to be strong to make everyone else happy..
I’m there with you Bri. It’s shitty. Never in my life did I think I would have to hug my dad and tell him everything is going to be okay. I’m not supposed to calm my grandmother down and try to explain to her that my life wont be ruined. I’m not supposed to be hugging David saying well at least we have each other!! it’s not supposed to be this way. But to find light in this very dark situation… EVERYTHING you’re going through. every feeling. every emotion. is exactly what I’m going through. I’m right there with you. It makes coping a little easier knowing that you’re not the only one. But this situation will never be a happy one. I hate it. I feel like crying everyday.. I get constant reminders and replay in my head. This situation should have never happened to you vinny mariam david or I. I can go on and on.. which i sorta am doing.. but ya just know you’re not alone. there are four more of us going through the exact same thing. I love you Bri. Happy V Day! hahaha…ehm ugh
Aw Bri, I’m really sorry about this. I don’t know what to say, since I know nothing anyone said to me helped in the slightest. No family’s issues are ever the same as another’s so it isn’t as simple as saying “It’s not your fault” or “it’ll turn out okay”. No one can promise something like that.
Having my family broken up isn’t easy, but it has taught me one thing: just because we are similar to our parents does not mean we will end up like them. I’m a lot like my dad in many respects, and I certainly respect him more than the rest of my family, but that doesn’t mean I would do the things that he’s done. We can’t blame ourselves for their actions, and it’s useless to feel that we can somehow fix it if we do well enough, or say the right thing. Take it from me, winning competitions or getting good grades can’t resolve their issues anymore than it can change the past. It’s best to just accept it and move on as best you can.
All I can really say is that I hope you don’t end up like me. I try to bottle it up and refuse to tell my friends how much it hurts, and I assure you that, between the depression, crying, and suicidally nihilistic attitude, I haven’t ended up all that great. You can’t do that; you need to talk someone about it, or cry it out, or whatever. Keeping it all to yourself just doesn’t help.
i can’t believe the eurovan is being sold. they should give it to your for graduation so you can drive it to Oregon. it’s not fair. bri i wouldn’t cover anything up. let them know what they’re doing to you. I’m going to make sure my mom knows what she’s doing to this family, she’ll have to live with it for the rest of her life. it’s hard to think about it. i know you have to see it everyday. it’s easy for me to forget for a few days. like when i talked to my mom the other day i didn’t even really remember it seemed like nothing was wrong or anything had happened. i don’t know if it’s good or bad being away from it all. sometimes i feel like i should be there to help the situation. i’m sure you’ll be glad to leave for college. so yeah….it sucks.
I am so sorry, Bri. I can’t claim to know what you must be going through, but I wish to offer you my sympathy and support. Don’t for a moment let these tough times dampen your spirits. Your accomplishments and abilities are truly amazing and you should be proud in them. You are such a source of inspiration for other people as well. I can see the pride in your father’s comments on your blog and I am sure both of your parent’s cherish you every day.
I know I can do little to comfort you in what will probably be one of the most turbulent periods of your life, but I hope these words will have some effect, no matter how small.
Remember this as well. This is a time when you need to be a rock for your family. Be their light and their inspiration. Focus on doing what you can for your family will help you deal with the issues at hand.
Your friends will be there to support you. Just let us know what we can do.
Bri, you know I comment on much of your stuff, but I won’t say much to this one other than this: You and Vinny are a source of pride and love that is more important to me than anything I could ever imagine. Watching you guys mature into amazing young individuals (NOT like anyone else) gives me goose bumps and tears every time I think about it (which is often). That will NEVER change…except that it grows stronger every day, just as it has for 18 years.
Thank you everyone. You too, dad. I’m really lucky to have everyone I do in my life.
Bri, I wouldn’t worry about it happening to you. And if it does, so what? And of course i love your parents and am not blaming them but if you really really want to go through the trouble, anything can be saved.
Love always