I was going to make another video for today’s post, but then realized that I have been pretending that my jaw/entire lower face doesn’t hurt all day and have been singing and such. So more talking is probably not in my best interest. Especially when prom is next weekend, I have a gross yellow bruise on my lower jaw, and I really want my face to stop hurting soon. Best not to aggravate the wounds.
Speaking of prom, I got my prom dress today. It’s long (too long… I have to get it hemmed like a foot) and really dark blue and strapless and it makes me look really cool. I like that it makes me look that way.
I was kind of peeved that I had to get a dress at all prior to today… and most of today too, I guess. Buying dresses, nice or no, is never an easy task for me. Everything clings to my gargantuan hips in the wrong ways, and I’m so short and stocky everything is really long and weird looking on me. Also, I have to take off all my clothes to try dresses on, and this makes me uncomfortable. Even when I’m alone in a changing room.
Nakedness freaks me out, especially my own. I know this says something about my deep-rooted low self esteem, but whatever. Who likes looking at themselves naked? Meh. Anyways, back to not wanting to get a prom dress.
Or, rather, finding out I really kind of wanted a prom dress. I’m a jean-and-joke-teeshirt kind of girl, although I’m trying to branch out a bit more. But even when I do, I rarely feel beautiful. I mean, I look alright most of the time. Sometimes I might go so far as to say I find myself pretty. But never beautiful. Beautiful is an adjective that I think every girl longs to be described with, but me especially.
Being the late bloomer (in the not being awkward department, not the physiological development department, obviously) that I was, I went straight from adorable little kid to weirdly proportioned/dressed adolescent to kind of nice looking. But the weirdly proportioned/dressed adolescent stage lasted the longest… through my freshman year of high school. So I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to find myself beautiful, let alone have anyone else find me beautiful.
I suppose what I’m getting at is that I like the idea of dressing up, because it’s like a small oasis of beauty in the middle of the barren wasteland of decently alright looking. So, prom, here I come.
I’ll try posting a more normal, not ramble-y blog tomorrow. Maybe. I dunno. I like the ramble-y blogs.
