[Day 254] An Anniversary

Today, three years ago, I had my first kiss. Ok, so maybe technically I had my first kiss when I was in preschool, but that was kind of an accident and it doesn’t really count. My first kiss will always be on 4/27/2007 with my first boyfriend, Mike, at ten o’clock at night, outside a closed Barnes and Nobles.

We’d gone to Blades of Glory (which was stupid, but the way) with some of my friends, but Mike had seated us as far away from them as possible, and spent the entire movie with his arms around me and his nose in my neck.

Yeah. I think it was meant as a romantic gesture, his face pressed into my neck, but really all it was was his nose, in my neck, for the whole, agonizingly long movie. We’d already broken up twice at this point, and in about two weeks, I was going to break up with him again. But that’s not important.

After the movie let out, we had about two hours to kill before my curfew, at ten, so for most of it we walked around the old movie theater, not really talking. Sometimes we’d sit and press our foreheads together, but neither one of us took the first step. In the back of my mind, I was a little frustrated. He was the boy, shouldn’t be be initiating a kiss? He’d been telling me he loved me for weeks now. He literally begged me to reconsider breaking up with him for an entire weekend. But why couldn’t he kiss me?

When we exhausted the crevices of the movie theater, we crossed the parking lot to Barnes and Nobles, which was closed and dark. We called our respective dads and sat, waiting to be picked up. I was more than a little frustrated, and finally, I decided to do something about it.

At this point, we were sitting against the bookstore, and his forehead was on my shoulder, looking down at the cement beneath us.

“Mike. Look up.”

He did, but he turned his head to look at the road, not at me.

“No.” This really shouldn’t have to be so difficult. “Look at me.”

Again, he complied, and as soon as his face lined up with mine, curious, I closed my eyes and leaned in, probably too quickly.

It lasted about three seconds, and when we broke away, there were only two things on my mind. First, did I break off too quick? And second, Mike’s first remark. “You’re the best.”

You’re the best? I’m pretty sure he was referring to the fact that he couldn’t do it first, the pansy, but I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to say after your first kiss. Just saying.

Then we went home, and I wrote this poem in my journal:

Is it really so special?

Is it really so important?

I honestly don’t get it

My first kiss

I don’t really remember

It was late at night

Outside a bookstore

It was a surprise

For him

because he was a

wimp

I kissed him

We were both tired

So it’s hard to remember

But I do remember

one detail.

It was

very

soft.

Yeah. That was a weird relationship.