I’ve been trying to write this poem for two years. I even tried writing a blog about the same subject, back in February of my senior year of high school. But it was kind of angry and not productive, and by the end of it I just got depressed. I was never happy with it, even though I had all these things to say. So finally I came up with something I’m happy with, and here it is. I don’t even use the “f” word in it!
A Valedictorian’s Valediction: or what I would have said had I worked hard enough to be valedictorian of my high school graduating class.
When I look back
on these four years past
I will remember them as the worst
and the absolute fullest
four years of my stupid life.
Full not as in full-throated,
though to be fair to the nightingale,
I certainly had plenty to say.
Full as in
god dammit did I learn a lot.
Now, most of you know me as the
smart kid,
and I will gladly trust-fall into that role for you.
But I want to start this speech by
letting you know
that I will not be blowing that
cliched smoke
up your collective asses.
Because let’s be honest.
If these four years past
were the best of your life
then I feel sorry for you.
So with that in mind,
with the understanding that
a good percentage of you
will not
do much
or
be much
after we all cattle-shuffle
across this laughably vast stage,
I want to tell you what I have learned
that wouldn’t have helped you pass that
Algebra 2 test you tried to cheat off me for.
These lessons are what no GPA will reflect
what no
college application can discuss
And what I hope you will listen to,
if nothing else.
Lesson one.
People suck.
People suck a lot.
But I can rationalize every poorly-ended relationship because
I would have never understood how
awesome
I am without all of you
trodding over my anxiously heaving heart.
People suck,
but that does not give me,
or you, for that matter,
the right to suck as well.
Lesson two.
See lesson one, then ignore it.
Not all people suck.
If I were to quantify
all the friendships and interactions I had
with you people
into one single lesson,
it would be what I’ve already said.
People suck, people will hurt you,
people don’t care how to the brim you are with
unconditional love
They are only interested in
casually pinching out your flame
and gleefully watching your smoke
dissipate into the resentful breath
of everyone you ever outshined.
And you know what?
I refuse to learn that lesson.
I refuse to believe that
happiness
is impossible with other people in the equation,
no matter how many times
you horrible little people try to prove the paradigm.
But I am not chained to this town
like so many of you are, or will be
I can jump into a western wind
and feel the wash of progress
carry me to greener shores.
If people suck in my experience
I need more experience.
I need to meet better people.
And I will.
This is not the first day
of the rest of our lives.
This is not the maiden voyage of your
adulthood ship.
Your first day started 18 years ago
And I hope you haven’t wasted too much
Because life’s too brief to let you believe that you have the time
to be an asshole.
What you do
directly affects everyone you come into contact with.
So keep that in mind
the next time your throat is
filled with the bile
I had to sift through these four years past.
(pause for dumbfounded silence.
Flash coy smile.
Continue)
I hope to God you learned something from all this,
from high school,
from me,
from each other,
because my time –our time- is coming to an end.
My dear, stupid, former classmates,
thank you.
Thank you for bullying me into the person I am today.
At the very least,
This will all make a fantastic story someday.
I’m still working on my poetry chapbook- it’s not quite complete yet, but I’ll keep you posted!
