[Day 1] Body issues

Today was my day for trying something new. But before I get into that, here’s a fun blast from the past that I really got a kick out of today. I needed a picture of Liam Aiken for a speech I had to do for AP Lit, and this was the one I ended up picking. It just makes me giggle.

So the new thing I tried today wasn’t exactly “new”, but it is in the sense that I haven’t done it for over two years. I finally broke down and wore shorts to school.

This sounds strange, seeing as most people don’t think twice about it. But I do. Oh, I do. I’m constantly agonizing over what I wear because I’m still not completely comfortable with my body. Shorts were really pushing the limit of what I was ok with. I’m paranoid about how I look when I sit down. My thighs balloon out on the chair and sometimes the shorts ride up, showing off even more of my leg. I’m also aware of the rolls my stomach makes when I’m not standing up straight and sucking it in. I’ve started getting less touchy about tight shirts, which is good, because I can grow out of my frumpy tomboy stage at long last. My arms can finally relax, because I’ve gotten in the habit of crossing them conspicuously over my stomach so no one can see it.

Sorry for the graphic imaging, but this is what goes on in my head when I get dressed in the morning. Sometimes, I’ll even sit down on the edge of my bed in a possible outfit, testing it’s sitting durability. And this just makes me more crazy, and often late.

So this summer, I went out and bought four pairs of shorts. I sort of liked the way they looked when I was standing up, so I’d only wear them when I knew either A. I wouldn’t be sitting, B. I had a large bag to cover my legs as I sat, or C. I was going to a darkened movie theater and no one could see me anyways. Wearing shorts to school was going to be a stretch, though. For 85% of the day I’m sitting.

I tried to calm my paranoia, but it didn’t really work. I was constantly fidgeting with my shorts today, pulling them down if they rode up even the tiniest bit. There was also the problem of how I sat; crossing my legs was almost immediately stopped, because if I thought my legs ballooned as I sat regularly, I couldn’t even imagine the amount of exposure that particular position warranted.

But overall, it was a successful experiment, because I got several compliments today, some pertaining to the shorts in general, and others pertaining to how I looked “firmer” (thanks, Mike!) and more fit. Well, it was news to me, but I ain’t complaining.

Overall, today was a good day. Good, albeit challenging (and expensive!) classes, a reclaimed social life, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m almost out of here, baby. See you tomorrow.