Today’s story of my past is a big realization. I used to-ok, I still- apologize all the time. For stupid things, for random things, and for things that I didn’t need to. The latter was the most prominent. The “confession” below is something I gave to Dylan during sophomore year, after a long era of him refusing to speak to me and being like a jerk. And it kills me to realize that I used to take the heat for him hurting me. Like it was my fault. And it wasn’t.
Dylan,
Ok, I promised myself I’d stop writing about you, but there are some things I need to get out. You messed me up, bad. I never felt smaller than the times when you left me behind, broken and alone. I frickin cried over you. But this past year or so, I’ve been unfair to you. Yes, you kind of ruined a couple years of my like, but I have to admit you’ve apologized, and you really do try sometimes to be a good friend. I should have forgiven you a long time ago, but I didn’t. But I will now. Dylan, I forgive you. You have a clean slate now; I think you’ve deserved it. I’ll never forget those bad times, but I’ve moved on. You’re still an ass sometimes, but I needed that element in my life. You taught me things no one else could in that way. But I forgive you. I’m going to stop putting impossible standards on my friends. You can’t be perfect, because I sure as heck am not. I forgive you.
He didn’t deserve a clean slate. Apologies mean nothing when they’re ignored. I won’t be making this mistake again.
