[Day 154] I’ll make sure no one takes it

Dear Rebecca,

Hey there. Remember me? Probably not. We were best friends in first grade. Kind of.

I say ‘kind of’ because Merriam-Webster defines “friend” as “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. And I don’t think that our time together can be considered anything other than convenience.

When I tried to branch out and make real friends, which failed but that’s not the point, you weren’t happy. And neither was I… because you were awful to me. Remember when you hung from the monkey bars and kicked me? Remember when you punched me from around corners and chocked me when the teachers heads were turned? Yeah. Good times.

You’re the reason I’m afraid to tell people what I think. You’re the reason I’m afraid to try new things. I’m afraid because I don’t want a back-lash like yours. I don’t want to anger anyone, because it could escalate to your degree. So I stay in my box, comfortable, unchanging. And it’s awful.

But I’m done. I’m done with pretending not to like things that I don’t think other people will approve of. I’m done with not branching out of my comfort zone because I’m afraid of what other people will think. I’m done with you.

Bri

P.S. Is your brother in jail yet? Because when he pointed that gun at me when I was at your house that one time, I knew he was destined for great things. Like shanking people in prison showers and buying cigarettes off the guards.