If you follow my Twitter account even a little bit, you probably noticed that I had an intense two week period of babysitting for some of my neighbors. It was only one girl, 4 1/2 years old, but WOW did it overwhelm me. So I made sure to remember the stories and conversations that I thought were interesting/funny. Here are my favorites.
Me: So where does your mom go?
Girl: To work.
Me: Where does she work?
Girl: Work.
Me: Ok… what does she do at work?”
Girl (getting frustrated with me): Work.
Me: Right….
~~~~~
Girl: I have to poop.
Me (holding a half-naked Barbie): Ok.
-Two minutes later, from inside the bathroom-
Girl: IT’S A BIG ONE!
(I discovered later that day that there had been no toilet paper in the bathroom the entire time. Also, even though she told me she had been washing her hands, I discovered the NEXT day that she couldn’t reach the sink. There are too many disturbing questions for me to ponder)
~~~~
-While playing Barbies-
Girl (putting the giant-headed baby into one of the little cars): Zany (the name of the baby) is going to go hunting.
Me (playing the dad, who happened to be a tiny pig toy): But you just told me that you were a baby… and was therefore incapable of taking care of yourself. Let alone go hunting.
Girl (completely ignoring me): She’s going bear hunting.
Me: Well, that changes things.
-Baby disappears for a few minutes, then reappears. Girl then proceeds to walk the baby around, handing out the fresh bear meat-
-Baby gets to the Polly Pocket character that I was playing, called Tessa-
Girl (as baby): Do you want some bear meat?
Me (as Tessa): No thank you. I’m a vegetarian.
Girl: what’s that?
Me (as Tessa): It means I don’t eat meat.
Girl (struggles with this possibility): The baby is going back to her crib because she’s sad.
Me: Why is she sad?
Girl: Because no one wanted her meat.
Me: Only one doll didn’t want the meat, because she doesn’t eat it. But everyone else got some! Even the pig!
Girl (still doesn’t completely understand): She was being mean.
Me (defending Polly Pocket while struggling not to laugh): No, she just doesn’t eat meat. That’s completely normal.
-Girl gives me a withering look and we continue playing, sans bear meat-
~~~~~
-While playing Barbies-
Girl (playing a character): I’m not allergic to go in there!
Me: That’s not how you use that word.
~~~~
Girl (breaking off the Duplo stairs I’d built onto a structure): Oh, no, someone stole the stairs!
Me: Who was it??
Girl (considers): Aliens!
Me: Why are they always to blame? (Seriously. Every single time something bad happens, it’s aliens. Aliens, or me doing something she doesn’t like)
Girl (looks at me, confused)
Me: Why did the aliens steal the stairs?
Girl (keeps looking at me)
Me: I mean, when someone steals something, they have to have a reason. I doubt they’re stealing for the technology, because if they have the ability to steal a staircase, they have the ability to… have stairs.
Girl (gives me a WTF look)
Me: It can’t have been the aliens. It has to be someone else.
Girl (starting to kind of catch on): We’d better ask everyone!
Me: Good idea. We need to establish motive.
Girl (as her Barbie, asking the pig): Did you steal the stairs?
Me (as pig): Why would I steal the stairs?
Girl: You stole them!
Me (as pig): I would have nothing to gain by stealing the stairs, therefore I could not have committed this crime.
Girl (looks at me)
Me: It was probably the aliens.
~~~~~
-Walking past the house of two young-ish boys that the girl knows on the way back to HER house-
Girl: That’s Jack’s house!
Me: Is he your friend?
Girl: Yes!
Me: How old is Jack?
Girl (considers): 34
Me: I doubt that. (Note: If Jack is the older one, he’s about 13, or if he’s the younger one, which I suspect, he can’t be older than ten)
-Girl shrugs and keeps walking-
~~~~
Other stuff:
1. When we were at my house last Wednesday, the noises the birds were making were annoying her, so she asked me to put on some music. I put on the Vitamin String Quartet mix that Betsy gave me, and she loved it.
2. On my second to last day, their dog, Hans, followed me home, so I had to walk him all the way back. One of my other neighbors was driving by with his mom and they laughed at me because I was muttering angrily at the dog.
3. Sometimes, if the TV was on but she wanted to sit in her room and play the most mind numbing game of Barbies ever, I would send her into the living room to pick things up and wait for her to get good and distracted by the TV before casually sitting down on the couch. I’d then have from 15 minutes to an hour taken care of. STRATEGY! (More on this next Monday, during HOW TO week!)
