It’s weird that I think about this subject from time to time, seeing as I’ve been awfully candid about the fact that I haven’t actually had a relationship at all in over two years. But I do think about it, and though a blog would be the best way to organize all my thoughts on the matter. I’m also curious as to the other responses you all will have.
Statement: I will never be in a long distance relationship.
Explanation of above statement: There are a lot of reasons. The obvious first one is that relationships aren’t friendships. They are friendships plus mutual feelings of physical attraction combined with mutual commitment to said feelings of physical attraction. I have plenty (3) long distance friends. One I’ve never even met. He lives in California and I recently sent him a postcard from the Kennedy Space Center because he likes astronomy. And I like him more than a lot of people I’ve spent actual time with.
But the difference, the important difference, is that I don’t ever have the urge to kiss my friend from California. I also never find myself pining to be with him at all hours of the day and night. Because friendship is based on talking and occasionally hanging out, but honestly, the hanging out isn’t really all that important. Me and Rachel hang out once every few months, and during middle school and high school, especially before we could drive, sometimes even less than that. And we’ve been unwavering best friends since we were five.
The point I’m trying to make is that a relationship requires more than just talking. I’m not being perverted or shallow or anything, I’m simply stating a fact. And a relationship isn’t really healthy if it’s only a real relationship once or twice a year. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d actually like to be around the person I’m dating, because if I only like someone for isolated amounts of time during winter and summer breaks, then our relationship probably isn’t going anywhere. One of the reasons I sometimes miss being in a relationship is because I miss being held and kissed goodnight. You can’t do that in a long distance relationship, not consistently. And I need consistency in my life.
The other reason I would never enter into a long distance relationship is because I’ve tried it before and it was awful. You could argue that it technically wasn’t a relationship because the other party was a troubled, hypocritical, lying egomaniac who refused to label anything, and you would be right, but when he wasn’t a troubled, hypocritical, lying egomaniac, I would consider what we had to be a relationship. For goodness sakes, he told me he loved me at one point.
You could also argue that because of that failed long distance relationship that wasn’t really a relationship but kind of was I have major trust issues, and you would still be right. But I’ve had trust issues for years. Ever since I discovered Santa wasn’t real and that middle school was just a euphemism for “puberty melting pot of hell”. It’s not so much that I have trust issues as it is that I prefer to be around the person I’m dating so that there isn’t the possibility of them getting another girlfriend and having to find out over Facebook via their changed relationship status.
Whew. Deep breath. I really am trying to let that all go. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am solidly against long distance relationships, personally at least. I’m the type of person that doesn’t often enjoy spending extended amounts of time with people, and the only time I know people are special is when I don’t mind spending said extended amounts of time with them. And I can’t gauge that in a long distance relationship, because our physical interactions are so few and far between.
Thoughts?
I don’t think long-distance relationships work for people coming into college. That’s because most people grow (or should grow) exponentially from high school or whatever stage from which they came. I’ve seen a lot of those relationships blow up and end because of that.
However, I think if you’re in a long-distance relationship because of work, military, etc, that’s something that can be overcome, as most people are more static. There are fewer changes in the person, and subsequently, the relationship. Yeah, you might miss the physicality, but it’s for a limited time.
And trust factors into all of it! 🙂
The feelings mutual. I’m extremely uncomfortable even thinking about a long distance relationship. I think it’s just because I’m so needy emotionally. At least that’s what my horoscope says.
@Jco I absolutely agree with you, and should have made the military distinction. I only mean that relationships that start out long distance (ie meeting over the internet) or become long distance (ie moving away to college) are bad ideas.
@Caleb haha, if you’re needy emotionally, I’m a wreck.
I think long distance relationships are definitely up to the circumstance. While they’re often impractical, sometimes long distance relationships hurt less than breaking up when you’re still very much in love with someone. It’s surprising what you’d be willing to do that you never thought you would when you’re actually in that situation.