Masochism and Dream Jobs

Yes, surprise, it’s another blog about my crazy schedule. It’s like every semester, just when I think I’ve finished the busiest semester of my life, I top myself. I’m a little bit masochistic, it seems, but we’ll get to that. First, the info dump:

Here is my weekly schedule (it’s next week’s, to be exact):

This actually looks less crazy than my day actually is, but for the purposes of just explaining my class load and set work schedule, it will have to do. Everything but the blue and the pink (“speech meeting”) is a class. As of writing this post I don’t have a meeting time for my senior thesis, but that is also in the mix… somewhere. I have four classes this semester, not including senior thesis, which doesn’t sound like a lot until you consider that for my tri-weekly ethics class I’ll have 4 short papers plus a 10-12 page final paper due throughout the semester, for my screenwriting class I have to write a solid 90 minute screenplay, and for my multimedia class I’ll be designing a, well, multimedia project. Plus, remember, I’m writing my senior thesis, which is no small feat.

Add that to the blue, which signifies work that I have to physically be somewhere for. This semester I have seven on-campus jobs. I work once a week at the Bistro still, making coffee and burritos, I work twice a week at the tutoring center where I am a writing tutor and web manager, I am an intern at Pacific Magazine twice a week (I help copy-edit, write articles, and move the website to the new CMS), I am an intern at the Berglund Center for Internet Studies in addition to inheriting copyediting responsibilities from a job no longer filled AND I’m their newest student fellow (meaning I’ll get at least 5 hours a week or work plus I have to write a 1000-3000 word research article for them by the end of the semester), and I am also still the social media coordinator for the Career Development Center. 7 jobs, three for the Berglund Center specifically. Yeah.

Not surprisingly, THAT IS NOT ALL. I am also still a senior member of the speech and debate team, whom I will compete with until the end of March, I have a serious boyfriend who I have to see once in a while, I have friends who I rarely hang out with anymore, I am newly obsessed with The Good Wife and must consume every season available to me, I have to eat and stuff, and oh yeah, I’M MOVING TO NEW YORK IN LIKE FIVE MONTHS OR LESS.

My speech coach JCo recently pointed out to me that she feels no sympathy for me because I’m only busy out of an inability to say “no.” She’s half right- it’s not that I can’t say no, it’s that I don’t want to. Here’s where the masochism comes into play. I like being busy. I like being able to tell people that I’m taking 16 credits and have 7 on-campus jobs. I like being so panicked that I’ve forgotten to do something that I wake up before my alarm every morning. I like squeezing in class readings while I cook dinner or travel between jobs. It makes me feel useful.

Last month I filmed a video I have since deleted about how I was terrified that I would be a failure upon exiting college. I was afraid that being very successful and impressive in school wouldn’t translate to life outside of academics, and that all the expectations people have had for me since kindergarten would fall apart once I entered the “real world.”  These fears are exactly why I don’t say no.

I absolutely REFUSE to fail. I have enough experience in enough industries to be qualified for most jobs. I can work with social media, websites, design, writing, kids, administrations, videos, photography, and food service. I am good working in a group or on my own, you would be hard-pressed to find a former employer unhappy with my work ethic or my lasting impression, and I look really good on paper and, based on past experiences, in person. I may not be rich and famous immediately, but I certainly won’t fail. You know how I know I’ll be fine after graduation, even with all the uncertainty? Because when I say I’m going to do something, or fifteen somethings, I do it, and I do it a week ahead of schedule. I. Will. Not. Fail.

This brings me to the “dream job” portion of today’s blog. During my Seaside MFA internship this January, there was a bonfire on the beach. My fellow interns Bruno and Rebecca and I walked to the edge of the darkened water and I asked them, if they could do anything in the world and not worry about money, what their dream job would be. Rebecca said architecture, because she loves designing houses. Bruno wasn’t sure, but said that writing novels or sailing around the world would suit him fine. I said I wanted to be a showrunner for my own TV show and write novels on the side. And what struck me was this: I might get to do that. Not only might, but there is a SIGNIFICANT CHANCE for me to get my dream job with this program in NYC.

Guys. By getting accepted into this graduate program I had no hope of getting accepted by, I will get to work my dream job within the next three years. So yeah, maybe I’m crazy busy right now, but my four incredibly packed years of undergrad? My work ethic? That got me into graduate school, which will get me my dream job. I don’t regret a single thing, and let me repeat something from earlier: I will not fail. Because frankly, I don’t know how. Come at me, world. I’m ready.