You know what? I wasn’t going to write this blog. I was going to do my Heroes review instead. But then the person who originally inspired this blog pulled the ridiculousness again and I couldn’t help it. So as the beginning of Star Trek plays in the background on Netflix Instant, I’m going to tell you exactly what pisses me off the most about people and judgements made about me.
I’m not gonna lie to you, people make judgements about me all the time. And that’s fine. People make judgements about everyone. I make judgements. You, reading this blog, make judgements. It’s human nature. Cool. Whatever.
But some judgements are just so batsh*t that I can barely contain myself. So you think I’m mean? A b*tch? No argument there. I’m a teenage girl. Whatever. You think I’m awkward, unsociable? Yup. Congrats, the Mentalist. You got me. None of those judgements mean anything to me because, frankly, in some situations they’re true. And they’re obvious traits, whether or not they’re consistent traits.
So what’s this judgement that I honestly don’t believe even exists about me? That I’m not driven by emotions. That because I disagree with someone about the state of their relationship with someone else even though the first someone is “in love”, I must not understand emotions and being guided by them.
Get why that’s completely ignorant that is yet? If you’ve read even one other of my blogs, you’ll know. But for the one other person out there who hasn’t, let me fill you in. Here’s the situation in which this judgement came up:
Boy likes girl. Girl has boyfriend. Girl fools around with boy regardless, allowing boy to continue insane fantasy about them being together. Girl chooses boyfriend over boy. Boy gets sad, still loves girl. Fools around with boy again anyways. Boy loves girl. Bri says boy is being stupid, boy calls Bri emotionless.
Yeah, ok, I’m sorry, what? Are you honestly implying that because I think you pining after a girl who doesn’t like you enough to break up with her boyfriend is stupid, then I must not understand this concept you refer to as “emotions”? Who do you honestly think I am?
Listen up. I’ve made no secret to the fact that I’ve got some serious trust issues involving, well, everyone. I’ve also made it clear that sometimes I wall myself off in order to protect myself. And do you know why I do these things? Because I’m the most emotional person I know. Everything I do is because of a constantly waging war of anger and sadness and happiness and love and betrayal and intrigue inside myself.
But that doesn’t mean emotion is the only thing that drives my decision-making process. Because as my final post on the Bri 2.0 project discussed, I am something of a contradiction. As emotional as I am, I’m also logical. I’m also not completely stupid.
When I was trying to reason with Mister Judgement, the example I cited to get him to stop being stupid was Sean. Let me be clear. I loved Sean. I didn’t love him like a kid, or a blinded, rebellious teenager. I didn’t love him the way I loved Heroes or Harry Potter. I loved him like twenty thousand people. I loved him like I’ve never loved a single object, animate or inanimate, in my entire life. He was everything to me for a brief period in my life. Every emotion that I felt was entirely linked to the status of our complicated, roller coaster of a relationship. If he was happy, I was happy. If he was upset, I was upset. And when it became substantially clear that he was using me, that I wasn’t as important as I’d hoped to be to him, I had two options. I could, like Mister Judgement, continue to pine after him, badgering him until he caved to my love of pity or until he purged me from his life in annoyance. That could end only in heartache and a continued pattern of panic attacks. Or, I could purge him first, regardless of the love I still had, because if I could move on, in however small increments it took, I would be better in the long run. I would reclaim my life and my emotions for what they were- mine.
But apparently, this logic-heavy decision means that either A. I didn’t really love him because I am a robot, or B. I don’t make any decisions based on emotions because I am, again, a robot.
That’s not why I made that decision, though. I made that decision because although I have emotions, I am not blinded by them. I do not bend to them at every crisis, because I am smarter than that. I am a smart, logical person, that has emotions. WHA-
I know, crazy. Anyways. I just wanted to vent about this, because you can say a lot of things about me, but you can’t say that I don’t have emotions.
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In other news, did you know Zachary Quinto has a Twitter? My life just got a thousand times better. Alright, back to Star Trek. Enjoy the rest of your Monday!
