I know there’s a lot of hoopla on the internet about how the whole “Nice Guy” trend is ridiculous and, frankly, insulting, but who would I be if I passed up an opportunity to rant about stupidity? Below, I will do my best to destroy the Nice Guy Myth once and for all.
But first, like all good debate cases, some definitions:
Nice Guy: Typically this male will whine and complain about how women never want to date them because he is “too nice” (Urban Dictionary)
Essentially, a “nice guy” is the guy who you’ll always hear saying things like “nice guys finish last.” Before we go any further, don’t be that guy. Just don’t.
Here’s my first problem with this myth- if your BEST, most marketable romantic quality is not being a giant a**hole, then of COURSE women don’t want to date you. We don’t date “bad boys” because they’re mean to us- we date them because at least they’re interesting. I of course can’t speak for women who date meatheads, but I know for a fact that I’d rather date a guy who comes off as a bit of an egotist if I can at least I know he has an opinion about things. “Nice” does not translate to “good boyfriend” or even to “interesting person.” It just translates to “will not say mean things, at least to your face.”
Second, being “nice” is not the same as being “kind”. Being a “nice” guy, as we’ve established, just means that you aren’t going out of your way to be a jerk. But “nice” also implies something else- that you’re not in the politeness game for the other person. You’re in it for yourself. “Nice Guys” are the ones who patiently listen to their beloved’s guy drama for hours on end hoping to get noticed, but they aren’t doing it so the girl feels better. They’re doing it so the girl will notice how patient and nice they are and end up with him instead. “Nice Guys” are the ones who buy the girl all sorts of things in the hopes that it will guilt her into dating him.
Kindness, on the other hand, is not about an end game. A “kind” guy listens because he genuinely cares for the girl past her rack and wants her to know she’s not alone. A kind guy communicates with a girl so neither of them are under any false impressions about the relationship, or lack thereof as the case may be. A kind guy doesn’t buy a girl something with an obligation or expectation attached- he buys her something because he knows it will make her happy, and that is enough. Being nice is a means to an end- being kind just is. And trust me, girls can tell the difference.
Third, being “nice” is not a cheat code to get into someone’s pants. We’ve established that being nice as your only marketable quality is pretty lame and that it is by no means the same as being kind. So now let’s talk about, specifically, why being a whiny, self-important “nice guy” is exactly why you’re not getting any.
Reason #1: You spend so much time “listening” to your cute friend that you don’t actually have a life of your own. Girls don’t want to date a puppy who literally has nothing better to do than follow them around all day with their big adorable eyes and their open hearts. If they wanted to be emotionally suffocated by infatuation, they would have been with you from the beginning. Listen up, nice guys, because here’s the thing you’re always forgetting: girls want to date a PERSON, not a sympathy robot. Yeah, we like to talk about ourselves and our problems, but there’s going to come a point where we’re going to run out of things to say, and if you have nothing to offer because your only occupation is listening to us, that relationship is gonna end pretty quickly. Get a hobby, or three. Make some other friends. There is nothing more annoying in a guy that clingy-ness, and when your best quality is “niceness”, it’s practically an inevitability that the former is hiding just below the surface, ready to pounce.
Reason #2: Sometimes being nice will kill a relationship faster than it saves it. Ask anyone who’s currently in a happy, committed relationship and I bet you they’ve got at least one good fight to recount. One of the biggest reasons my highschool boyfriend Cody and I’s relationship ended was because, shockingly, we DIDN’T fight. We were both too nice and non-confrontational and eventually, the issues that healthy couples would have duked out and got over just consumed us. Being “nice” will almost always get in the way of being open and communicative with your partner, so unless you only wanted to date your “perfect girl” for a few weeks, drop the act. It’s actually not that great of a trait anyways.
Reason #3: Implying that a girl won’t date you because you’re “too nice” implies that all women are awful, horrible creatures incapable of appreciating a good thing when they have it. You’re basically judging us because you, for whatever reason (probably the fact that you’re always complaining about being a “nice guy”), aren’t our type. And that’s not ok. Sometimes, people just don’t feel attracted to other people. I’ve passed on many a really awesome, funny, sweet guy, not because he was “too nice”, but because I simply wasn’t physically attracted to him. You could be the funniest,smartest, most handsome guy in the world, but if I don’t feel a spark, then hey, it’s just not gonna work out. Are YOU attracted to every female who winks at you? Would YOU make out with someone simply because they listened to you after a really bad day? No. So don’t expect my panties to drop every time you get within fifteen feet of me.
TL;DR? Don’t patronize me. I will either like you or I won’t. End of story.
Anyhoo, sorry I haven’t blogged in like three years. Summer’s been incredibly productive for me, just not on the website front. I’m heading back to Oregon this Saturday, so I should be back on schedule once there, and hopefully I’ll even throw up a main channel video sometime soon. Until then, you can visit my collab channel where I post every Wednesday (except yesterday because I forgot and then just posted something today instead). Hope your summers have been great, and I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE EVERYONE IN OREGON AGAIN!!!! (Especially my husband and boyfriend, Colton and Quinn, respectively.) (Oh who am I kidding I’m excited to see everyone.)
The rant has legitimate points and was an interesting read.
You look ready to go vampire hunting in that first picture. The cross necklace and the axe. That the red of your shirt is reflected in the blade is very nice.