The Paper Crane Ninja: Poetry Remix

I still can’t stop thinking about those paper cranes, so when we were tasked with writing a “still life” poem last week in poetry class, I couldn’t help but revisit them again. The actual assignment was to write a poem mirroring the style of a William Carlos Williams poem (which was merely OK) so I did the assignment but then wrote my own version of the poem. Thoughts?

 

WCW Style:

Peach and white patterned paper

Folded and pressed into life

 

Now flattened to the mulch

that tastes musty in the sun-soaked air

 

The brick-built rain gutter adjacent

is tumbled by a soft gray feather

 

and the pumpkin colored leaves.

A small patch of green-gold grass

 

spreads like wildfire, but

the paper crane is still.

 

MY version:

I did not expect to see you there.

Your peach and white patterned wings

flattened to your body

and the months-old mulch underneath.

How lonely it must be

so far from your brothers,

them still upright and carefully

set.

At least the brick laid rain gutter beside you

is dry

overrun by what looks like the weed that grows goat heads,

but probably isn’t,

and the first fallen red and pumpkin leaves

of fall.

A soft gray and white feather

tumbles down the path

but stops before the nearly completely camouflaged grate,

a lone weed-clutched brick resting at the center.

The old mulch is littered with the lifeless clusters

of blue flower bulbs,

once a pale lavender,

and a wildfire of green-gold grass.

Though you rest alone,

in the shadow of all that is around you,

I see you,

my lonely paper crane.