Instead of having Bri drive herself insane by talking to herself and trying to shove Barbies up various parts of her body, I though it would be interesting to follow Bri around the Asylum and write a play-by-play of what she does.
-Bri's doctor
(I will be writing this in play form)
(Bri is handing out invitations)
Bri: Come to my party! BYOPB (Bring Your Own Phone Book)
(Why she is having a party is beyond me, reader, and that goes for the bringing your own phone book part too)
(Bri skips along the hallways, holding her new Bling-Bling Barbie)
Tom(a long-term patient): Is that you, Marge? I'm comin' to ya, honey! I'm a'comin', honeeeeeeeeey!
Bri: Oh, dear, sweet Frankfurt! Oh, Cometh to thee! Cometh! COMETH!!
Tom: I shall, my lovely Marge! I shall!
(At this point we drag Bri away before they grab hands and jump off the balcony together)
(Bri and I now enter another doctor's offive where she is tested and interviewed to monitor her progress)
Giovani(The doctor): Hello, Bri. How are we today?
Bri: I feel a song comin' on! (Goes into an accapella version of "Who let the dogs out")
Giovani: Please don't. My ears are bleeding.
Me: *Snickers*
Bri: *Sniff* Hey, ARE YOU CALLIG ME FAT??
Giovani: *sighs* No, Bri. You have a lovely figure.
Bri: I would like to thank the academy…
Giovani: Yes, yes, that's very nice. Ok, I'm goning to show you a picture, and I want you to tell me what you see in it.
(Giovani holds up a card with a large ink stain on it. This is to monitor the creativity of the patient)
Bri: I see, a black hole. It's…it's…IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!(Bri takes a report off Giovani's desk and throws it in the air)
Giovani: Calm down. It's all right. And please don't do that. Here, gather the papers and take this…
Me: Don't say it, G.
Giovani(after glaring at me):…paperclip, and…
Bri: GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! YOU SAID IT, YOU SAID THE CURSED WORD!!!! HEAD FOR THE MOON ON THE BACK OF A SLOTH, CARRESS YOU CLOSEST PHONE DIRECTORY, AND FOR CRIPES SAKE, DON'T GO TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT A HALL PASS!!
Me: Told you not to say it.
Giovani: On the plus side, I haven't heard that end-of-the-world-rant before.
Me: Indeed. I think she should get marks for her creativity.
Bri: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT???
Giovani: No, I was simply saying that you…ah…need to tget lyposuction and a nose job before you come see me again.
Me: *Stuffs fist in mouth to keep from laughing*
Bri: Oh. Ok.
Giovani: Very well. You are done. Have a nice day.
(Me and Bri exit, and I follow her into the sitting room, where a group of insane color-crazed toddler terrorists are betting on a fashion show.)
Bri: Don't you just love Snogdays? Everything feels so…black and white.
Me: Uh, Bri? Snogday isn't a real day….and…
(Interrupted by the insane color-crazed toddler terrorists as they attack Bri)
Insane color-crazed toddler terrorist numba one: HOW DARE YOU SAY THE WORD BLACK-AND-WHITE IN OUR PRESSENCE??? HOW DARE YOU, COLOR-HATER??
Insane color-crazed toddler terrorist numba two: Goo.
Insane color-crazed toddler terrorist numba three: I say, old chap, is that green and orange jeans that she's wearing?
Insane color-crazed toddler terrorist numba one: Why, yes, yes it is. Dear me, please forgive us. We bow to you and your supirior fashion sense! ALL HAIL QUEEN OF COLOR!!!
Bri: I would like to thank the academy…Hey…ARE YOU CALLING ME A GOAT HUGGING, JESTER KISSING LUNATIC???
Insane color-crazed toddler terrorist numba four: No, but now that you mention it…
(Bri now attempts to shove her Bling-Bling Barbie up her behind while flailing around threateningly with a fire-poker)
She is now back in her intensive care ward in a large white room where whe is currently trying to wear a pair of Barbie high-heels and singing(badly) Stupid Girl by Pink.
This has been a day in the life of…
a lunatic
Hope you enjoyed it!
