Why I hated Romeo and Juliet

I hope I never led anyone to believe that I liked the drivel some people consider “the greatest love story of all time”, because that would be a gross oversight. I didn’t like Romeo and Juliet when we read it my freshman year of high school, and I don’t like it now.

So first of all, are we really, honestly supposed to believe that they’re in love? Not only are they practically pre-pubescent, Juliet being all of 13 and Romeo being 15, but they’ve also never met prior to Romeo accosting her.

Romeo (to some servingman, asking about Juliet): What lady is that, which doth
enrich the hand
Of yonder knight?

He then goes on to rant about how hot she is. Did he forget about the conversation he had with his buddy Benvolio just that morning in which he adamantly refused to believe anyone was prettier than Rosaline? (“One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun | Ne’er saw her match since first the world begun.”) Sheesh. He’s as bad as Prince Derek from the Swan Princess.

Then the two children, yes, stress the word CHILDREN, make out before Juliet’s nurse breaks them up.

Now this next bit is what riles me up the most, especially when you take into account recent attacks on the Twilight books. Romeo stalks Juliet and rants about how hot she is below her window, waiting to get a peek. And you all think Edward is creepy for watching Bella sleep? At least he waited a few weeks and it was mostly driven by curiosity rather than all-encompassing lust (at first, at least).

Then Juliet catches him mid-soliloquy and they have a conversation that amounts to this:

Romeo: LOVE MEEEEE

Juliet: There are a lot of reasons why this is definitely not going to work out

Romeo: PLEASE LOVE MEEEEE

Juliet: Fine. I love you.

Romeo: OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA LET’S GET MARRIED

Juliet: …ok? Send me a text tomorrow about it and we’ll work something out.

I have to give props to Juliet for resisting for the ten minutes she did, but come on. They met and made out once and now, a mere couple of hours later, are making plans to elope. When love stories like Anna and the French Kiss, how can anyone honestly support Romeo and Juliet as romantic? This story isn’t about love. The words sound nice, yes, but it doesn’t come out of love from the characters. It comes out of William Shakespeare’s drunk, adulterous, but undeniably brilliant mind.

Love isn’t love if you don’t have to work for it. And when I say “work for it”, I don’t mean go through trials and tribulations like having your families be at war and stuff. I mean there’s a certain amount of give and take and learning that comes with falling in love. Love is something that is built, not something that is discovered like a new element. (“Eureka! I found love! DRINKS ON ME!”)

And one more thing. I know that supposedly the whole suicide scene was meant to be romantic because the kids were so in love they couldn’t live without each other, but I have to respectively disagree. That’s the worst moral ever. I don’t want to fall so deeply in love with someone that I would die for (or, in this case, with) them. I want to fall so deeply in love with someone that I’ll live for them. Haven’t you seen “A Walk to Remember”? Even though Mandy Moore had to die, Shane West devoted his life, yes, his life, to carrying out all her dreams. Now that’s romantic.