Bummer, dude

Remember that post a while back about how boys are cowards? I called out my ex-boyfriends for having never asked me out in person, for being cowards. And then I wrote a response, about how girls are sometimes cowards too. And this post is sort of related.

I say sort of because it isn’t about being asked out, or asking someone out. Not exactly. Because, see, before you ask someone out, you usually want to be sure they like you, right? Like like you. And sometimes that’s the most difficult part.

And you know what I realized this morning? I’ve never told a guy I’ve liked him before. Not directly. I’ve flirted with people, sure, but that’s not nearly the same. The guy has always made the first move in my life. I didn’t tell Kaden and John in 2nd grade, didn’t tell Taylor in 6th grade, didn’t tell Dylan or Thane 7th-9th grade, and I didn’t even tell my boyfriends. And I’d like to think I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of it, “it” being the ambiguity I allow between myself and someone I’m interested in because I’m severely afraid of rejection.

So I did something rather cowardly but also rather bravely. I told someone I liked them.

I did it over Facebook direct message, so feel free to call me out as the coward that I am, but in my defense, he lives over 1000 miles away and it wouldn’t have made sense to wait until next year because then the entire summer would have been wasted on the aforementioned ambiguity. And you know what happened? I got rejected.

Don’t worry, he was really, incredibly nice about it. He simply likes someone else. But we agreed we really enjoyed being friends and didn’t want to lose that.

I’m not going to pretend I’m not a little bit disappointed. But more than that, I’m proud. I’m proud that even though I chose one of the most detached forms of communication to let him know how I felt, I still did it. I still put myself out there in a way that I’ve never even considered doing before.

This is me applying what I learned in Bri 2.0, that if I want something, I have to say something. I can’t just expect other people to come to me, because that’s not really how it works. Relationships, friendships, they’re a two way street. Epic romances don’t just happen, you have to work for it. You have to care enough to risk getting hurt.

And even though my first time taking a risk like this didn’t work out in the slightest… that’s ok. Because now I know I have it in me to be the person I like to pretend I am. Maybe next time I’ll even do it in person. But let’s not get too carried away.