Aaaaaaaaaaaah, it's nice to be back from the funny farm again, guys! I've discovered the need to tell you all what it is that I do with myself every day.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF~~~BRI
2:00 am. Wake up in cardboard box, stretch, and count spoons.
2:30 am. Make breakfast (curdled milk and escargo stolen from Antonio Banderas)
3:00 am. Sneak into neighbor's house for toilet paper and cashews.
3:30 am. Read the phone book.
4:00 am. Still reading phone book.
4:30 am. STILL READING PHONE BOOK…LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Calm down, Bri. Caaaaaalm down.
Sorry. Sorry. Calming down. Calming down.
5:00 am. Do one armed push-ups. Do 50 reps [of 1/50 of a one-armed push-up]
5:30 am. Flit about neighborhood in leopard-printed spandex, stealing everyone's newspapers.
6:00 am. Hoard newspapers in a hole in neighbor's back yard.
6:30 am. – 11:30 am. Twiddle thumbs, take random pictures for MySpace (most of which are of my toes)
12:00 pm. Therapist visits. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE talk. She's such a good listener.
12:30 pm. Eat lunch. (stir fry with rice cooked at the RIGHT TIME!!)
1:00 pm. Visit from……
Oh geez. Let's just skip this part. Go on and tell the nice people about how you pretend to play mini-golf in your neighbor's dining room at 2:00.
But I MUST finish!! At 1:00 pm. I get visited by the… the…
For pete's sake, if you're going to say it, JUST SAY IT.
I…I don't know if I can. Can you help me?
*sigh*. No one can help you. But alright. At 1:00 pm., you get visited by the… PHANTOM OF PAPERCLIPS.
GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DEAR!!! YOU'VE SAID THE DREADED WORDS!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! JUST LEAVE ME AND MY SICK OBSESSION WITH ANTONIO BANDERAS ALONE!!! HEAD FOR NEVERLAND, KISS YOUR CLOSEST DUCT TAPE ROLL, AND FOR PETE'S SAKE, DON'T LET THE OOMPA-LOOMPAS FIND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oompa loompas? Oh, geez, it's a good thing -*urk*
Note from author's doctor: At five thirty pm, when Bri is usually visited by her counselor, she was found with her toe stuck up her nose, her other leg attempting to strangle herself, and five cardboard stand-ups of Antonio Banderas torn to pieces. Because we weren't able to figure out how to get her out of such a position, we took a picture, uploaded it onto her myspace, and shipped her off, yet again, to the psycho ward. Although many of our doctors are starting to wonder if she will ever be able to function normally for extended periods of time in the real world, I still have hope for her. Sorry for the inconvenience.
*Note from Author's Nurse*: Whoever is sending Bri pictures of Antonio Banderas, please stop. After the stolen-tuxedo incident, she has adopted an unhealthy obsession to him. Please do not fuel this phase of her poor, psychotic life. Thank you.
