Boys are stupid. All of them. They can be stupid in relationships, in school, or in common sense.
But they're all stupid.
Shut up, green poodle. You're making it worse.
What's wrong with everyone these days? Lately, it seems like everyone is mad at everyone else, friendships and relationships are being tested, and no one is coming out on top?
My biggest fear is failure. Did you know that? I'm afraid to fail at school, at friends, at being me, at relationships, and at life in general. And lately, all that I've done is fail.
I've failed to make my AP group understand how important this is to me without yelling at them and making them hate me.
I've failed at getting an A in math because it wasn't as important to me.
I've failed at relationships AND friends at the same time because I've failed to make a clean break and I've failed to make him understand why I did it.
I've failed at life because I can't seem to make everyone else happy at the same time as being happy myself. Someone else is always sad, and I hate that. I feel guilty to be happy when someone I'm close to can barely look at me, or is having problems.
I hate feeling guily and trying to make everything better but failing because no one wants my help and I don't know how else to help them.
I hate it when the only thing left to do is hate myself for everything I've done and move on.
I hate it when everyone turns their backs on their own problems, even though I do it to myself to help other people. I'm so loaded with the feelings and problems of everyone else that I forget about myself and I totally disregard my feelings. I feel happy that I've hepled someone or made them happy one way or another, but it's a shallow happiness, because inderneath, I'm not really happy. Everyone else is, but I'm not, so then that makes me desperate to find a solution to make myself happy and everyone else by lying to myself and everyone, but then I start telling myself the truth and then everyone else, or maybe just that one person, gets mad at me and is "disapointed in my decision".
I don't knwo how to fix things anymore, so I'm going to stop trying. Everyone else can fix things, and I'm just going to sit here and let them. Because every time I try to make everyone, including myself happy, it falls through and then it sucks worse than before. So I'm done.
You want things to change? Change it yourself. I'm done making things worse. I'm done trying to make myself happy and not be depressed or living in a lie. I'm done pretending to be someone just to make someone else feel good, because that's not fair to me.
I'm finally going to be true to myself and not let anyone else chagne how I feel about things just to make them happier.
I'm done trying to help. So help yourselves. Because i'm DONE.
