Category: Blog

Posted in Blog

Nine O’Clock Niblets

Posted on by Bri

I was going for a clever alliteration, but it just sounds creepy. Darn. So as I frantically print out information for our debate scrimmage with the high school across the valley tomorrow (yeah man that’s what I do with MY Valentines Day. Woo. Can I get a N-E-R-D???) since I left our box at school (we left it. WE. Stupid Bart), I’m thinking a lot. Job outsourcing can only hold so much of my rapidly declining attention span.

What have I been thinking about? Well, in between daydreaming about Jason Mraz and Chris Hardwick, I’ve been thinking about happiness. I’ve not always been the happiest person. In 7th grade I wrote my color poem about the color black, and I believe there was a quote in it that said my heart was black and the world is black and whatnot. Thankfully, I have moved past that phase and now I’m just depressed on the inside. (I may look happy kids but I’m CRYING ON THE INSIDE) Not really. But these past few months have not been the best few in my life, but at the same time, they’ve been the most enlightening.

To keep my mind off my emotional difficulties, I channel all of my emotional energy into Jason Mraz. I read his blogs over and over. I listen to his music no matter what I’m doing. I cyber-stalk him. (My spellcheck does not like the word “cyber”. However, it seems to think that “cyberpunk” is a viable, sensible choice to replace it with) Whatever. It keeps my imagination busy, so my non-emotional portion of the brain (a very small portion) can focus on things like school and debate and such. I’ve become emotionally numb to everything else. Bart doesn’t want to hang out at lunch and I have to go eat my bread and cheese in my Forensics classroom? Meh. I’ve got Jason Mraz on my iPod. The guy I like has a girlfriend? I find a new Jason Mraz interview on YouTube. See what I mean? It’s all about prioritizing. It’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with my problems, but at least I’m dealing with them. At this phase of my life, I don’t think I really want to complicate things with a relationship unless I am 100% committed, and I don’t know if I trust anyone enough to do that. And in realizing that, guess what? I’m happy! It snowed today, and I’d left my jacket in my locker, so I had to walk to some of my classes outside, but I didn’t care! I spun in circles and caught snowflakes on my tongue. I don’t remember when the last time I did that genuinely was. Also, it’s Friday the 13th, and I haven’t ruined anyone’s life! (I hope that doesn’t inx me, I’ve still got a couple hours) Friday the 13th has not been good to people I know. Sorry.

And then I reached a new level of spiritual enlightenment in Forensics yesterday when I was in an exceptionally homicidal mood. Stupid sophomores wouldn’t shut up. Anyways. To calm down, I wrote down my happy place in my journal. This happy place is my escape from reality (and no, it doesn’t involve Jason Mraz. At least not the PG happy place) (I’m totally kidding) (kind of). I would suggest writing down a happy place to anyone. I look at it now when I’m angry or annoyed and it calms me. I’ve decided to share this tidbit of my insanity with all of you, and I invite you to post your own happy places in the comments!

I’m in a coffee shop in Italy. It’s warm inside, but outside it’s a bit chilly. I’m sitting at a small table in the window wearing comfy jeans and a warm, auburn sweater, looking out at a cobblestone sidewalk and the reds, oranges, and golds of fallen leaves. It’s sunny, and I’ve yet to see someone walk by without a smile. Inside, I’m sipping a late, rich and warm. It slides down my throat smoothly, without burning me, and it travels down my chest, leaving me feeling light and tingly. There is a small notebook in front of me, open to a blank page, and a dark orange pen is uncapped on top of it. There is an empty, dark red chair opposite of me, the same kind that I’m sitting in, but it doesn’t bother me. I bask in the absolute silence.

So this blog is mostly rambling. Sorry. I’m in a weird mood.

Posted in Blog, Teenage Life

Panic Attacks

Posted on by Bri

Tonight, children, as I mentally prepare myself for the ACT tomorrow morning, I want to talk briefly about panic attacks. Have any of you ever had panic attacks? I have. My first panic attack was freshman year, I believe. I was in PE and all of the sudden I got really freaked out for no reason. I felt like my entire family had just been killed in a fire that destroyed my entire home. (Copyright infringement? Sorry Lemony Snicket) But seriously, it was crazy. I had trouble breathing so I just sat down in the corner, wrapped my arms around my legs, pulled my legs to my chest, and freaked out. Why did this happen? To be honest, I don’t know. It could have been that my friends had attacked -yes, literally attacked- me to try and get to my journal, which I had clutched to my chest all lunch period. I was a weird kid, ok? Anyways. Four vicious females jumped me at the same time to try and tear the personalized companion I never let leave my side. I don’t remember, but I think they might have wrestled it away from me once, but I got it back.

Anyways. It might have been that, or it might have been that I’m known to be stressed. All the time. And I’m one of those crazy artist types. Or, as Chris Hardwick puts it, “smarty-pants-creative types,”. I love Chris Hardwick. Gah. Sorry. Keep on track. So after that little incident, I was ok for about two months, before I had another panic attack over Christmas break. I was sitting at the desktop computer at night, which was right next to a very large window with no shade, and I was suddenly afraid that someone could see me right that minute and was planning on murdering me, or, God forbid, startle me by slamming their face into the glass creepily. (Is there a way not to do that creepily?) That wasn’t fun. Then I was panic-attack free, for the most part, until this year. Not only have I been emotionally overwhelmed, but the stress of school and debate is really wearing on my sanity. I’ve had at least three panic attacks since school started. I have managed to keep them at bay since Christmas break, but I’m worried they will come back. And of course, worrying makes panic attacks come faster. And knowing that correlation makes me worry more, which gives me more panic attacks. Sheesh.

But my hero Chris Hardwick, who is not only attractive and amazing and hillarious but also super intelligent, wrote an extensive, entertaining, and informative blog about getting rid of panic attacks. Even if you aren’t crazy like me, you’ll like it. So go. Now. Go read Chris Hardwick’s blog. You’ll thank me for it later.

Posted in Blog

Important News

Posted on by Bri

So I’m bored. I’m signing up for next year’s classes and I finished before everyone. But I don’t want to go back to Spanish so I’m staying here, pretending not to be done.

I have some important news, though, and I didn’t want to forget to mention it.

We at Bri’s Own World have the pleasure of welcoming our first guest blogger soon.

And it is…..

BRIAN MANDABACH. He is a published author who wrote the incredible Or Not?

And he AGREED TO WRITE ONE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Blog, Bri

RETICENCE UPDATE!!!

Posted on by Bri

The manuscript of my new novel, Reticence, just hit 100 pages! I’m just passed 31,000 words (31753 to be exact), which is really exciting! Addicted is 36,000, roughly, and the minimum for a novel is 40,000!!

I’M GETTING SO CLOSE!

And it’s not total crap! It’s a lot of crap, yes, and it needs a TON of editing, but I refuse to edit until I completely finish the first draft. Otherwise, I will never finish it. Write first, edit later. Write that down.

I’m very excited. Things are coming together nicely. I’ve got a rough outline for the rest of the book, so I know where I’m going, finally. But this poor character. I’ve basically lumped all the awful things that I’ve gone through, plus some fictional things, into a three month period. She’s going to need some serious therapy. Hee. I love being mean to my characters.

I depress myself sometimes.

Goodnight!

Posted in Blog, Bri, Teenage Life

Incredible

Posted on by Bri

18 people are online on Facebook, and not one of them is someone I want to talk to. Well, I could talk to a couple, but they aren’t the people I really want to talk to. Don’t ask, because I’m not going to explain.

But do you know what I love? When people ignore you. No, really. I just love that feeling of absolute worthlessness. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh? If that were true, I could be a gold medal weight lifter.

There is more than one way to ignore someone. One of which is just that, avoiding or excluding someone. Another, though, is refusing to write someone back, return a comment, reply to a message or email. The first one, admittedly less subtle, actually is better than the second. Know why? Because the second one is harder to detect. Let me take you through an example.

Lets say you email or call someone, someone you’d kind of like to reply. Maybe they’re a crush. Anyways. After a day, or maybe even less time, you get a bit restless. No one else is talking to you, so there’s nothing to distract you. You just kind of sit there, in front of the phone, or the computer. Well, ok. Maybe they’re hanging with the family, or friends. Maybe they just didn’t see it yet. So you get over it, go eat or whatever.

After two days, you know that they have HAD to either have gotten on the internet or checked their messages. After staring at the communication device of choice for a while, you rationalize. Maybe they checked it as they were leaving, and didn’t get a chance to reply. Yeah, that must be it. You give yourself a couple more minutes to stare; maybe they’ll get online or call you back. No such luck, so repeating the rationalization like a mantra, you go back to your life.

After three days, you start freaking out. They’re had AMPLE time to check and reply to whatever you sent them. Why haven’t they replied?? What if you said something that made them mad? If it was an email, you read the sent message closely to identify any potentially offensive lines. You find none. If it was a phone call or text, you run over what you said in your mind. No, nothing too bad. Well, maybe they’ve just been really, really busy. It’s a stretch, but who knows. You spend way too much time by your phone or computer, but the time all blurs together until you have to go do something else. If not for the toilet, you may have never moved. There’s always an explanation, you tell yourself.

Five days later, there are three options:

1. They got it a while ago and forgot to reply

2. They have no intention of replying, whether they read or listened to it or not.

3. They’ve died in a tragic accident.

You rule out the last one, since you just asked someone and they assure you that whoever you’re trying to talk to is still, in fact, breathing. By now, this is getting ridiculous. So you write, call, or text them again, asking what the heck their problem is. Now, another one of three things will happen:

1. They write or call back and apologize. They’ve been busy.

2. They come to your house to apologize in person, with a dozen roses.

3. They ignore that as well.

If it’s option 3, the process I’ve just described repeats itself, only worse. I mean, if you don’t want to talk to me, just freaking tell me. It’s easier for everyone. All this alluding my calls and email crap is cowardly. ESPECIALLY when I know, for a fact, that you’ve had time and the ability to get back to me.

For the record, I’m not really talking about anyone specifically, I’m just giving my opinion on the subject.

My head hurts.

Posted in Blog

Let’s take what hurts and write it all down

Posted on by Bri

I am really sorry I haven’t been updating lately. But I have good reasons! I’ve been super busy…

Ok, so the last time I posted was December 7. 13 days ago. Almost two weeks. I IS SORRY!!!

Since then…

I have been very unproductive, writing-wise. I wrote a poem for a Write A Book In A Year club project, but that’s really it. I want to write, though!

We got a new admin! Haley, AKA Flamingo!! Show her some lovin’!

I have found myself in a much better state of mind.

We had a Speech and Debate trip that ran long…. because we got snowed in!! We ended up staying in Red Cross cots in the high school gym (I can’t tell you where we wre, but it was about three hours from home). On the plus side…. BART AND I GOT FIRST PLACE!! WE ARE THE BEST FREAKING NOVICES EVAR!!

Then I stayed up until midnight on Sunday doing APUSH homework. Then the next day I went home at lunch, only to come back after school for speech and debate.

Tuesday I started my Spanish final and took the essay portion of my AP English test. I also read the last book in the Inkheart trilogy. IT WAS GOOD WOO. I also had a party in APUSH.

Wednesday I took the second half of the Spanish final, and the first vocab part of the AP English final. More review in APUSH. I also helped the school newspaper start a website, which I will be designing over break.

Thursday I wrote two essays in APUSH for the final, and the school newspaper December issue came in! I took the multiple choice part of the AP English final and the speaking part for the Spanish final. Then, since I vouched out of the Trig final, I retook a chapter test I missed Monday instead and chilled.

Friday I did a dance, got an awesome score on the multiple choice part of my APUSH final, got hugs from lots of people, watched a movie in newspaper, gave Bart a gangsta hat for Christmas, which he wore with a suit and aviators to “intimidate the finals”, game Tommy Pants random stuff, took a vocab test in Ap English, went to the lirary to chill during Spanish, and watched NUMB3RS in Trig. Then I went to the movies with my family to see Slumdog Millionaire (EXCELLENT MOVIE) and then came home to watch WALL-E with them (cute movie).

Today I woke up at nine and I have a giant zit that is driving me car-azy.

 

I’ll be posting a new YouTube video soon. Bye byes

Posted in Blog

Chop chop, he says I’m gonna win big

Posted on by Bri

the Red Hot Chili Peppers are weird.

So, first I’d just like to mention how thankful I am for everyone who has been blogging and commenting lately. It warms my heart to see the thoughtful, intelligent posts and debates going on. I’d also like to say that my little bro, Godfather, has come a long way. His blogs, although not perfect, like mine(obviously), are actually pretty good. I’M even reading and enjoying them. Love ya, bro.

I’d also like to talk about what the esteemed webmistress is looking forward to seeing under her tree this Christmas:

-Gift cards to either Gap, Old Navy, Barnes and Nobles, or Borders.

-Music: “We sing. We dance. We steal things.-Jason Mraz CD”, any Jack’s Mannequin CD, any Metro Station CD, or a Meg and Dia CD.

-Black peacoat (These things are freaking expensive, though. If I wasn’t so cheap, I might have bought one myself a while ago)

-Red Converse, size 8 (I prefer the ankle ones… not high tops)

-Jason Mraz Calendar (or any calendar, I guess)

-Cool, non-holiday themed socks (that aren’t too thick)

–This shirt

-Teeshirts from Snorg, BustedTees, or Threadless

-For the school newspaper to spell my name right

-Religious tolerance

-For the California Supreme Court to overturn Prop. 8

-For there to be a new human rights issue I can talk about, because gay marriage and abortion are getting old

-For either Jason Mraz, Liam Aiken, or Michael Phelps to propose to me

 

Oh, yeah, and world peace.

Actually, no. With Bart, I don’t think that’s ever possible.

Post your own wish lists! If you want me to hyperlink anything, let me know.

Posted in Blog

I even freaking reminded you

Posted on by Aardvarki

Grar. Webmistress is grumpy right now.

I’m taking a break from homework right now because I have a pounding headache and I noticed that our new admin, Shawn, has not posted a blog today. Me thinkies that he will be getting deleted… soon. I warned you.

It is eight o’clock at night, and I still have about two hours of homework left to do. Freaking speech and debate cases took two freaking hours, and freaking AP language persuasive letter took freaking one hour, and now freaking AP US History is taking freaking forever. 20 more vocab cards plus fifteen pages of notes on the most BORING ERA IN HISTORY.

The Industrial Revolution is the DEVIL. I do not CARE WHO INVENTED THE STEAMBOAT (Robert Fulton). I like all the political stuff and the presidential scandals and the religious stuff, but manufacturing makes me yawn. Plus, I had to learn about all this crap back in 8th grade. Granted, I like this class better, but STILL. AUGH.

We had a debate today in APUSH over whether or not Andrew was an accurate representative for the “common man”. I was on the negative side, because he so totally WASN’T.

Ack ack ack. Bad-ish day, I’m stressed beyond belief… ok, I’m going to go back to vocab cards.

Shawn, you’re getting deleted. I had hoped that you would be a little more committed to this and would actually put some effort into it. At least the FIRST FRICKING WEEK YOU HAD TO DO IT! Augh. I told you I wouldn’t miss you once astronomy ended. >:p

Posted in Blog, Teenage Life

A little something I wrote a while back…

Posted on by Bri

Boys suck.

 

Excerpt from Bri’s diary in 2-7-07

I’ve realized what the trye meaning of a jerk is.

A jerk is someone who pretends to be your friend for a while, then decides not to talk to you much or starts being rude to you, and then, when they need help, they come to you. After you help them, they lapse back into ignoring you.

That is a true jerk. A jerk isn’t someone who calls you fat, stupid, or ugly. Those people don’t even know you. A jerk is someone who actually gets to know you, learns about your strengths and insecurities, and THEN calls you names, while still expecting you to help them out. A one-sided deal.

Parasitism is the relationship between two organisms where one benefits at the others expense. Parasitism. Like a bad friendship. A jerk is a parasite. A bad friend is a jerk. Therefore; STOP PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND. IT’S NOT WORKING ANYMORE. YOU AREN’T WORTH MY TIME, SO STOP WASTING MY LIFE AS WELL AS YOUR OWN AND GO AWAY.

–end of transcript–

 

And now, I’d like to add a bit more.

I trusted you. I forgave you. I believed in you. I helped you. I cried for and over you. Is this how you repay me? Is this the reward for being a good friend?

Five years of my life I wasted on you. I knew all along that I would get hurt, but I waited for you anyways. I was your friend anyways. Do you see this quote above? That was a little more than a year ago, but that’s not the only quote I have. I’ve been saying the same thing about you in my journals ever since I met you. Does that make this my fault? Maybe. But at least, before I sleep at night, I know that I did my best to you. I was my best for you, because I thought you deserved that.

Don’t I deserve some respect, if not a little credit? Don’t I deserve your acknowledgment of my existence? Apparently not.

“Dorky, nerdy, strange, annoying. I’m done.”

Those words will forever be burned into my mind. And you know what the worst part is? I would do it again. I’m so emotionally dependent on you that I would risk my feelings and my psychological health to help you through your hard times. I haven’t even learned anything. So where do we stand now?

You’ll never read this, but that’s ok. Maybe one day I’ll email it to you, but I doubt you’ll even give it a second glance. I know you deleted the notification that I subscribed to you on YouTube. I know you deleted all the texts from this summer and from the beginning of the school year. I know you got every single email I sent you in the past few months, but I also know that you don’t care. Destroying my life and mental well being means nothing to you, does it?

You say you’re done. Maybe this time you’ll mean it. Maybe I’ll be better off. Or maybe we’ll just start over again, with me apologizing for your cold heart, and you pretending that what I do even matters.

Posted in Blog, Music

I’m just gonna say the railroad tracks

Posted on by Bri

I love newspaper class. I always get the controversial articles. The whole school is going to hate me by the end of the year.

So firstly, I’d like you all to welcome IRideTheLines, who has posted an introduction blog, and Cairo, who should be posting soon. New admins! Should I be worried that most of my admins are at least a year younger than me? Sigh.

So. Music. I got a Sansa dock this week. It’s where I plug in my Sansa e260 and it’s got speakers and I can hear my MP3 all over my room! Which is cool. But we had to update my MP3’s firmware, and it totally screwed up all my music. So now I can only listen to my playlist or specific albums. I can’t click “play all”. Luckily, most of the new music I have is on the playlist, so I just listen to that. I’m waiting for a day after school where I don’t have anything to do so I can take evrything off the MP3 and then put everything back on. This is going to take forever, and I have absolutely NO TIME.

Monday I had speech and debate after school, went home for ten minutes, and then went to training for a Kids Voting thing I’m volunteering for. I got home at seven and then ate dinner and did homework.

Tuesday I had speech and debate after school, went home and did homework for four hours.

Today I have a haircut right after school, then I go home to feed my animals, then I have about an hour to do my homework, then I get all fancied up to go to the Academic Awards Ceremony until about eight.

Tomorrow I have speech and debate after school, then I go home for about a half hour, then I leave to go volunteer until eight or eight thirty at that Kids Voting thing. Then I will do homework.

Friday I’m going to out school’s play at seven. And then I rest. Maybe Saturday.