Category: Blog

Posted in Blog

Junior-itis

Posted on by Rachel

I though school was dragging on in September. Monotony monotony monotony. Let’s get to winter break already. That was insignificant compared to how I felt once January rolled around. I was tired of it being cold and for no good reason. I dreaded each new snowfall. I was bitter, having to wake up in the dark and have to scrape ice off my car and not have my car heated until I was at school, where I had to suffer through the day learning nothing of substance and generally feeling depressed and wanting to move to Hawaii.

Now, that spring is here, comes the worst onslaught of what i suppose to be senioritis that i’ve ever had. And I’m not even justified, because I’m not a senior. I don’t know if I’m going to have any laziness and lack of motivation left by the time it’s actually acceptable.

With the coming of warm weather and chirping birds, I feel happy. And because I feel happy, I do not want to spend my time doing things that make me unhappy. Today, I realized how utterly easy it would be to just give up. To just not show up to the classes I don’t want to go to. To not turn in assignments I don’t feel like doing. To go to Taco Bell every single day because it’s cheap and hot. To watch TV all the time.

It sounds so very appealing to just not struggle and just be happy with mediocrity.

And I’m going to be honest. If it weren’t for wanting to go to college, I would give up. I’m trying to figure out how to pull through this. It’s easy to stack up all the things that make life miserable, but its harder to string together the little things that make life worth it.

Like NOT GETTING A PARKING TICKET. WHAT KIND OF PERSON STALKS AROUND OBSCURE PARKING LOTS AT SEVEN A.M JUST TO GIVE OUT TICKETS???

people who have given up on life. If you do not wish to end up like that, stay in school and realize that sometimes, sleeping in is just more important than duty.

Posted in Blog

Ok, before this gets out of hand…

Posted on by Bri

I would first like to thank Dorenka for bringing up my alleged narcissism. You really opened a can of worms with THAT.

Moving on, let’s delve into this. I started this website the second semester of my 8th grade year. It was the extension of my first website that was basically a page off of my dad’s website, which I called Bri’s Place. You know why I called it that? Because it was the very first place I could talk about whatever the heck I wanted, and I could be as strange or as serious or as funny as I wanted to. BrisPlace.com was already taken, so I named my website after a song I’d penned, entitled “My Own World”. Note: Middle School was the most depressing three years of my life. I hated it. It was terrible. My self esteem had hit rock bottom. You have no idea.

So I started the website as a regular blog, somewhere to post short stories, poems, little essays I wrote, and lyrics. It was my world, after all. Then I started feeling empowered by the internet’s anonymity. So I thought, why not enjoy myself a little? I then proceeded to create an alter ego, Vannah. She was outgoing, strong minded, and slightly narcissistic. For a while, I actually convinced people that she was her own, separate entity. But that’s not really important. What’s important was that I finally had an outlet for myself; for the first time, I didn’t have to worry about what other people thought, and I didn’t have to worry about everyone else’s problems. I figured, after all the crap I’d gone through in middle school, I deserved to be a little narcissistic.

After a while, Vannah morphed into Bri and I became much more confident. Obviously, most of the ‘narcissism’ is sarcasm, because it’s fun to act like a total self centered jerk sometimes and not mean it at all. If helped me gain confidence, and enabled me to begin making more and better friends. It was a stepping stone.

But like I said, it was all a joke. I still have self esteem issues. I still doubt myself and my abilities to function in real life. So I think that I’m entitled to be sarcastically self centered on my own website, thanks very much.

Oh, and for the record, Twitter was just a whim that I really enjoy. It’s like posting mini blogs instead of gunking up the actual website. And I can update from anywhere. I’m obsessed, and not because I want everyone to know what I’m doing EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY because I’m a narcissist. No, I just like it a lot.

And honestly, anyone who takes my narcissism on this website seriously and personally, grow the heck up and learn how to detect sarcasm. It’s a neat little device.

Posted in Blog

This is the story of a girl

Posted on by Bri

Who didn’t eat for 30 hours.

Although my Twitter updates may seem contrary, the 30 hour fast wasn’t actually that bad. I mean, I ate a regular size dinner (that is to say, large), and my body was like “Meh. Thanks for feeding me.” And then we were good. I woke up this morning, packed my [vegetarian] lunch, ate breakfast, and left for school. Easy peasy.

Except for lunch. That was terrible. I avoided the cafeteria by staying in my debate coach’s room, where Bart and Tessa and Mia were. Mia was also on the fast, but Tessa and Bart were not. Bart’s soggy peanut butter and jelly sandwich never smelt better, and Tessa’s popcorn filled the room with a salty, buttery scent for an hour. It. Was. Torture.

But once I stopped thinking about food, I was good. If I ignored any mention of food, I was just fine. I could have gone another thirty hours.

Survivor, here I come!

Posted in Blog

It’s been a while

Posted on by Bri

For NHS (National Honors Society), I’m participating in a charity called the “30 hour famine”. That means that I can’t eat for thirty hours, starting at noon on Sunday and ending at six on Monday. I’m two hours in, and I can smell my dad’s lunch. This does not bode well.

I have other announcements:

1. Bart and I, despite our dysfunctions, made it to State in debate!! The season continues! I’m very proud of this. Two of the people we debated (on separate teams, no less) told me that I’m a really great speaker and it seems like I do all the work. Well, yes, I do all the work. So thanks!

2. I can touch my tongue to my nose. Bart and I were waiting outside a room for our debate to start, and he told me to try it. I don’t remember why exactly. So I tried… and I could! Definitely the highlight of my day.

3. I have a date! I think. His name is Dylan and it took the combined powers of his debate team and my debate team (he goes to school across the valley) to get him to ask me on a date. I gave him my number, and since I can’t eat today he’s supposed to call me with what time his choice of movie is playing so I know when he’s picking me up. It’s almost two o’clock, and he has not called. Hm. Updates on that later. If there is a later.

4. I’m hungry.

5. 1984 is an awesome book and anyone who doesn’t like it is silly.

6. I am out of interesting things to say.

Posted in Blog

Nine O’Clock Niblets

Posted on by Bri

I was going for a clever alliteration, but it just sounds creepy. Darn. So as I frantically print out information for our debate scrimmage with the high school across the valley tomorrow (yeah man that’s what I do with MY Valentines Day. Woo. Can I get a N-E-R-D???) since I left our box at school (we left it. WE. Stupid Bart), I’m thinking a lot. Job outsourcing can only hold so much of my rapidly declining attention span.

What have I been thinking about? Well, in between daydreaming about Jason Mraz and Chris Hardwick, I’ve been thinking about happiness. I’ve not always been the happiest person. In 7th grade I wrote my color poem about the color black, and I believe there was a quote in it that said my heart was black and the world is black and whatnot. Thankfully, I have moved past that phase and now I’m just depressed on the inside. (I may look happy kids but I’m CRYING ON THE INSIDE) Not really. But these past few months have not been the best few in my life, but at the same time, they’ve been the most enlightening.

To keep my mind off my emotional difficulties, I channel all of my emotional energy into Jason Mraz. I read his blogs over and over. I listen to his music no matter what I’m doing. I cyber-stalk him. (My spellcheck does not like the word “cyber”. However, it seems to think that “cyberpunk” is a viable, sensible choice to replace it with) Whatever. It keeps my imagination busy, so my non-emotional portion of the brain (a very small portion) can focus on things like school and debate and such. I’ve become emotionally numb to everything else. Bart doesn’t want to hang out at lunch and I have to go eat my bread and cheese in my Forensics classroom? Meh. I’ve got Jason Mraz on my iPod. The guy I like has a girlfriend? I find a new Jason Mraz interview on YouTube. See what I mean? It’s all about prioritizing. It’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with my problems, but at least I’m dealing with them. At this phase of my life, I don’t think I really want to complicate things with a relationship unless I am 100% committed, and I don’t know if I trust anyone enough to do that. And in realizing that, guess what? I’m happy! It snowed today, and I’d left my jacket in my locker, so I had to walk to some of my classes outside, but I didn’t care! I spun in circles and caught snowflakes on my tongue. I don’t remember when the last time I did that genuinely was. Also, it’s Friday the 13th, and I haven’t ruined anyone’s life! (I hope that doesn’t inx me, I’ve still got a couple hours) Friday the 13th has not been good to people I know. Sorry.

And then I reached a new level of spiritual enlightenment in Forensics yesterday when I was in an exceptionally homicidal mood. Stupid sophomores wouldn’t shut up. Anyways. To calm down, I wrote down my happy place in my journal. This happy place is my escape from reality (and no, it doesn’t involve Jason Mraz. At least not the PG happy place) (I’m totally kidding) (kind of). I would suggest writing down a happy place to anyone. I look at it now when I’m angry or annoyed and it calms me. I’ve decided to share this tidbit of my insanity with all of you, and I invite you to post your own happy places in the comments!

I’m in a coffee shop in Italy. It’s warm inside, but outside it’s a bit chilly. I’m sitting at a small table in the window wearing comfy jeans and a warm, auburn sweater, looking out at a cobblestone sidewalk and the reds, oranges, and golds of fallen leaves. It’s sunny, and I’ve yet to see someone walk by without a smile. Inside, I’m sipping a late, rich and warm. It slides down my throat smoothly, without burning me, and it travels down my chest, leaving me feeling light and tingly. There is a small notebook in front of me, open to a blank page, and a dark orange pen is uncapped on top of it. There is an empty, dark red chair opposite of me, the same kind that I’m sitting in, but it doesn’t bother me. I bask in the absolute silence.

So this blog is mostly rambling. Sorry. I’m in a weird mood.

Posted in Blog, Teenage Life

Panic Attacks

Posted on by Bri

Tonight, children, as I mentally prepare myself for the ACT tomorrow morning, I want to talk briefly about panic attacks. Have any of you ever had panic attacks? I have. My first panic attack was freshman year, I believe. I was in PE and all of the sudden I got really freaked out for no reason. I felt like my entire family had just been killed in a fire that destroyed my entire home. (Copyright infringement? Sorry Lemony Snicket) But seriously, it was crazy. I had trouble breathing so I just sat down in the corner, wrapped my arms around my legs, pulled my legs to my chest, and freaked out. Why did this happen? To be honest, I don’t know. It could have been that my friends had attacked -yes, literally attacked- me to try and get to my journal, which I had clutched to my chest all lunch period. I was a weird kid, ok? Anyways. Four vicious females jumped me at the same time to try and tear the personalized companion I never let leave my side. I don’t remember, but I think they might have wrestled it away from me once, but I got it back.

Anyways. It might have been that, or it might have been that I’m known to be stressed. All the time. And I’m one of those crazy artist types. Or, as Chris Hardwick puts it, “smarty-pants-creative types,”. I love Chris Hardwick. Gah. Sorry. Keep on track. So after that little incident, I was ok for about two months, before I had another panic attack over Christmas break. I was sitting at the desktop computer at night, which was right next to a very large window with no shade, and I was suddenly afraid that someone could see me right that minute and was planning on murdering me, or, God forbid, startle me by slamming their face into the glass creepily. (Is there a way not to do that creepily?) That wasn’t fun. Then I was panic-attack free, for the most part, until this year. Not only have I been emotionally overwhelmed, but the stress of school and debate is really wearing on my sanity. I’ve had at least three panic attacks since school started. I have managed to keep them at bay since Christmas break, but I’m worried they will come back. And of course, worrying makes panic attacks come faster. And knowing that correlation makes me worry more, which gives me more panic attacks. Sheesh.

But my hero Chris Hardwick, who is not only attractive and amazing and hillarious but also super intelligent, wrote an extensive, entertaining, and informative blog about getting rid of panic attacks. Even if you aren’t crazy like me, you’ll like it. So go. Now. Go read Chris Hardwick’s blog. You’ll thank me for it later.

Posted in Blog

Important News

Posted on by Bri

So I’m bored. I’m signing up for next year’s classes and I finished before everyone. But I don’t want to go back to Spanish so I’m staying here, pretending not to be done.

I have some important news, though, and I didn’t want to forget to mention it.

We at Bri’s Own World have the pleasure of welcoming our first guest blogger soon.

And it is…..

BRIAN MANDABACH. He is a published author who wrote the incredible Or Not?

And he AGREED TO WRITE ONE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Blog, Bri

RETICENCE UPDATE!!!

Posted on by Bri

The manuscript of my new novel, Reticence, just hit 100 pages! I’m just passed 31,000 words (31753 to be exact), which is really exciting! Addicted is 36,000, roughly, and the minimum for a novel is 40,000!!

I’M GETTING SO CLOSE!

And it’s not total crap! It’s a lot of crap, yes, and it needs a TON of editing, but I refuse to edit until I completely finish the first draft. Otherwise, I will never finish it. Write first, edit later. Write that down.

I’m very excited. Things are coming together nicely. I’ve got a rough outline for the rest of the book, so I know where I’m going, finally. But this poor character. I’ve basically lumped all the awful things that I’ve gone through, plus some fictional things, into a three month period. She’s going to need some serious therapy. Hee. I love being mean to my characters.

I depress myself sometimes.

Goodnight!

Posted in Blog, Bri, Teenage Life

Incredible

Posted on by Bri

18 people are online on Facebook, and not one of them is someone I want to talk to. Well, I could talk to a couple, but they aren’t the people I really want to talk to. Don’t ask, because I’m not going to explain.

But do you know what I love? When people ignore you. No, really. I just love that feeling of absolute worthlessness. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh? If that were true, I could be a gold medal weight lifter.

There is more than one way to ignore someone. One of which is just that, avoiding or excluding someone. Another, though, is refusing to write someone back, return a comment, reply to a message or email. The first one, admittedly less subtle, actually is better than the second. Know why? Because the second one is harder to detect. Let me take you through an example.

Lets say you email or call someone, someone you’d kind of like to reply. Maybe they’re a crush. Anyways. After a day, or maybe even less time, you get a bit restless. No one else is talking to you, so there’s nothing to distract you. You just kind of sit there, in front of the phone, or the computer. Well, ok. Maybe they’re hanging with the family, or friends. Maybe they just didn’t see it yet. So you get over it, go eat or whatever.

After two days, you know that they have HAD to either have gotten on the internet or checked their messages. After staring at the communication device of choice for a while, you rationalize. Maybe they checked it as they were leaving, and didn’t get a chance to reply. Yeah, that must be it. You give yourself a couple more minutes to stare; maybe they’ll get online or call you back. No such luck, so repeating the rationalization like a mantra, you go back to your life.

After three days, you start freaking out. They’re had AMPLE time to check and reply to whatever you sent them. Why haven’t they replied?? What if you said something that made them mad? If it was an email, you read the sent message closely to identify any potentially offensive lines. You find none. If it was a phone call or text, you run over what you said in your mind. No, nothing too bad. Well, maybe they’ve just been really, really busy. It’s a stretch, but who knows. You spend way too much time by your phone or computer, but the time all blurs together until you have to go do something else. If not for the toilet, you may have never moved. There’s always an explanation, you tell yourself.

Five days later, there are three options:

1. They got it a while ago and forgot to reply

2. They have no intention of replying, whether they read or listened to it or not.

3. They’ve died in a tragic accident.

You rule out the last one, since you just asked someone and they assure you that whoever you’re trying to talk to is still, in fact, breathing. By now, this is getting ridiculous. So you write, call, or text them again, asking what the heck their problem is. Now, another one of three things will happen:

1. They write or call back and apologize. They’ve been busy.

2. They come to your house to apologize in person, with a dozen roses.

3. They ignore that as well.

If it’s option 3, the process I’ve just described repeats itself, only worse. I mean, if you don’t want to talk to me, just freaking tell me. It’s easier for everyone. All this alluding my calls and email crap is cowardly. ESPECIALLY when I know, for a fact, that you’ve had time and the ability to get back to me.

For the record, I’m not really talking about anyone specifically, I’m just giving my opinion on the subject.

My head hurts.