Mirrors and Hotels

Mirrors are very useful contraptions. When you walk by one, it’s hard not to check your hair or that grossly disproportionate thing on your face that is your nose. (Maybe that’s just me) But mirrors can be awkward too. So here, now, are the three most awkward placements of mirrors.

ONE: Across from the toilet, or at sitting view from the toilet

This one is very popular in hotels and other people’s houses that I end up staying at, and I don’t understand it. When I am sitting on the toilet, I do not want to look up and see myself sitting on the toilet. While I am doing my business, I do not want to watch my facial expressions. So when the situation arises that I am answering nature’s call and there is a mirror across from me, there’s this awkward couple of minutes including the following: Looking at the floor while I unzip and sit down, staring at the toilet paper dispenser, and trying very hard not to glance up, because it’s not pretty. I mean, honestly. Why? Why would you put a mirror there?

TWO: Across from the entrance to the shower

Another popular hotel placement, this one is even worse. Because when you’re in a hotel, the mirrors are big. This means that there is a giant mirror right across from where you are exiting the shower, dripping wet and in your birthday suit. I hate looking at myself naked. No, it’s not from low self esteem or whatever. I have never liked or tolerated my naked body, even when I was young and thin. I think it’s weird. So why on earth would I want to stare at my unfit, dripping wet, haggard teenage body as I get out of a shower, smelling of cheap shampoo? I do not understand. Then, of course, there is the awkward “look everywhere but right friggin in front of you” few minutes as you locate your clothes or at least a complimentary towel.

THREE: Full length mirrors in bathrooms

I’m pretty sure these are only in female lavatories, but I’m going to talk about them anyways. First off, when you run into one of these little gems, they’re almost always right next to the door. This presents several problems. When you get out of the bathroom, you’re gonna want to see how you’re lookin, so obviously your eyes will stray to the mirror, where you will pose from different angles to check everything. You’re in the way when people walk in, creating that uncomfortable moment where you’re standing there ogling yourself and get caught. The second reason full length mirrors in bathrooms are awkward is that, in order to avoid getting caught, you either have to sneak peaks while waiting in line for a stall or refuse to look in the direction of said mirror and end up appearing slightly insane.

And while we’re on the subject of hotels, I have another gripe. So I’m staying in this 4 star hotel, which is so nice that is has an iPod dock/ alarm clock, and guess what? There is no shower cap. Are you serious? An iPod dock, but no friggin shower cap?? A giant freaking TV and 6 dollar water bottles, but NO SHOWER CAP? This is ridiculous.

And to add to my extreme discomfort, as you must be able to detect, the free shampoo/conditioner/lotion smells NASTY. Whose bright idea was it to use “white ginger extract”? Even the tangerine-mint stuff from that hotel in Texas was better. Yuck.