Tag: weird

Posted in Poetry

Billboards

Posted on by Bri

You are the same
Just like everyone else
The same clothes
Off the same shelves

The same names plastered
Across your chests
You feel powerful
You think it’s the best

You pay to be a billboard
Conformist to the peak
But something no one knows
Is that conformity is weak

I buy my clothes cheaper
They look the same as yours
But still you turn away from me
A strong, opposing force

I’m different and you hate it
But inside you know it’s true
That at the end of all your days
I shop smarter than you

Posted in Various Ramblings

Various Ramblings Numba Ten

Posted on by Bri

Heeeey guys. I’m back from the asylum again And I’m not going back!

-Yeah, sure Bri, whatever you say

Ignoring! So anyways, while I was at the funny farm…

-Yawn

Still ignoring! I met this guy, name was A-A-An-t-t-on-n-n…

-Need help?

NO! No. I’m going to say his name without going crazy and stealing something that reminds me of him.

-Yeah, ok, you do that, Bri.

His name was… A-A-Anton-n-n-eeee—

-Seriously, just spit it out.

His name was… THAT ONE GUY WHO VOICED PUSS IN BOOTS. Loopholes rock.

-No, see, that doesn’t count. Stop being a wuss. BE STRONG, WOMAN!

Shush. So I met …. Puss In Boots… and we had a really good time. It turns out he was in there because he was overwhelmed by a wave of sexiness when he looked in the mirror one morning and then ran around Hollywood naked.

-Now THAT’S facinating.

Shut up.

-You know, even though you found a loop hole around the name, you’re still talking to me, which means you’re still crazy.

Am not! You’re just my… concience! My therapist told me about it. Conciences tell you when you’re doing something wrong. They’re the angel on your shoulder.

-Heh. You got the wrong concience.

W-What?

-I ain’t the angel, honey, I’m the…

NO! BAD CONCIENCE! BAD!

-PHANTOM OF PAPERCLIPS!!!

AUGH!!!! ANTONIOOOOOOOOO! HELP ME!!! COME BAAAAAAACK

-Hee hee. It’s so easy it almost isn’t fun anymore. Almo- AUGH!

*Note from author’s doctor: After attempting to saw off all her skin with a blunt steak knife, but then deciding it was too much trouble, Bri ran to the nearest mall and stole all things that had anything to do with Antonio Banderas. She then assaulted a mall cop with a Zorro soundrack. Please, all of you who care for her, don’t send her any Antonio merchandise to cheer her up. And please-please- don’t send anything with the letter “Z” ANYWHERE. We hope she’ll be able to function normally in society, but after the tenth time (that’s what it is, isn’t it?) we’re starting to have our doubts. Adeiu.

Posted in Blog

I wrote this on the bus this morning

Posted on by Bri

“I’m on the bus right now, and I was thinking; why do vampires turn into bats? Mosquitoes make more sense, don’t they? The only thing bats and vampires have in common is that they’re nocturnal. I think that telling people that they turn into bats is a conspiracy so we don’t find out that the mosquitoes are actually the transformed vampires.

You have been warned.

 

Ok, I’m still on the bus, and I’m still thinking.

Over the driver there’s a box that’s labeled “bodily fluid cleanup kit”. How morbid is that? Why don’t they just say “first kit”? That’s much less disturbing.  I was also wondering, do they have a “severed appendage cleanup kit”, or a “In case of alien invasion resulting in children catching fire from the laser cannon cleanup kit”?

Also, I think the ‘video camera’ is also a conspiracy to makes kids behave (not that it works). If they can afford video cameras, they could afford to clean the windows. Last year, I killed a bug, a pretty big one too, on one of the windows, and a month later, it was still there. Sick.”

Posted in Blog

MY BRACES ARE OFF!!!!

Posted on by Bri

THEY'RE OFF!!! THEY'RE OFF!!!! You know, my first thought was "I look like a horse"

Before:

After:

 

For the record, this isn't my real eye color, I was just messing around and made them only blue. In actuality, they're blue-grey-green-hazel.

Posted in Teenage Life

In Bri’s Absense, and For Her Sake

Posted on by Rachel

K I'm writing something on here because it will feel empty without something new. And for the sake of newness, it's going to be in a different font.

Well. I really have nothing to say, nothing to muse about, nothing to deliberate. I have nobody to talk to, and nothing that I want to do. As Brianna said, I'm all alooone.… Everybody's gone and abandoned me with no computer access and not caring to call. Well, I guess I'm doing that to them next week! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha ok I'll shut up. I hate wind. It's so noisy. Why can't nature be more considerate for those of us who are sleeping? Speaking of noise, my neighbor has this pond that used to have bullfrogs in it that made the most atrocious croaks at night, but I don't hear them anymore, and after four years of hearing them every summer night, I rather miss it. It's quite unsettling. That was a long sentence. My language arts teacher would kill me for putting four commas in the same sentence. Nobody's going to read this, what am I babbling on and on like this for? It's not as if anybody cares about the bullfrogs living next door. I don't even care about them. It's just that I am SOO RELIANT ON OTHER PEOPLE TO ENTERTAIN ME THAT THIS IS ALL THAT COMES OUT OF MY HEAD WHEN I'M LEFT ALONE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I need to go to REI. Too bad I have no money and no way of getting there. I'm also reliant on my parents. Heh heh. As it should be…I should enjoy it now before I'm dirt poor and living in a rat infested apartment building, starving and freezing…

Well that was definitely the most exciting part of my day. Fonts and colors are fun.

The End

Posted in Blog

Panty-hose and softness

Posted on by Bri

Did you all see the new Various Ramblings? I quite like it.

I am getting picked up after school. I am getting picked up after school.

I am getting picked up after school. I am getting picked up after school.

I am getting picked up after school. I am getting picked up after school.

I am getting picked up after school. I am getting picked up after school.

 

I WILL NOT FORGET.

 

I need some shorts with pockets. I can't keep rolling up my jeans. Daaaaangit.

I need another list.

…

….

…..

 

Things I do when I wake up

1. Push snooze button

2. Actually get up/ attempt to make bed

3. Go to bathroom and put in contacts/ do hair (if necessary)

-yell at brother-

4. Apply makeup

5. Go back to my room

6. Put lotion on legs (aah, they're so smoooooth)

7. Pick clothes to wear for the day (usually takes the longest)

8. Get backpack and go to kitchen

-yell at brother-

9. Eat breakfast (banana and a chewy bar) -yell at brother-

10. Go back to the bathroom and brush teeth/last minute primping

-yell at brother-

11. Leave for bus around 6:35, or, if dad's dropping me off, leave about 6:45

12. School starts at 7:25

 

 

……..That wasn't really a list, but whatever.

 

Hey! Where am I? I'm not supposed to be in a blog! My place is in Various Ramblings!!

What the…?

Hey- you're not insane Bri! You're normal Bri! I can't argue with you! I can't freak you out! This sucks.

Er, sorry. I dunno why you're here… how strange. Um… I dunno what to do to put you back…

Oh. Well, since I'm here, do you want to argue with me?

Uh… about what?

THE PHANTOM OF PAPERCLIPS

Um… ok?

Dangit. You don't react. I guess I'll have to try…

Don't. Even. Go there.

Ooooh… I see I've touched a nerve. Why won't you let me say–

*submits blog and ruins the escaped alter-ego's plan to make her look bad*

Posted in Various Ramblings

Various Ramblings Numba Nine

Posted on by Bri

Aaaaaaaaaaaah, it's nice to be back from the funny farm again, guys! I've discovered the need to tell you all what it is that I do with myself every day.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF~~~BRI

 

2:00 am. Wake up in cardboard box, stretch, and count spoons.

2:30 am. Make breakfast (curdled milk and escargo stolen from Antonio Banderas)

3:00 am. Sneak into neighbor's house for toilet paper and cashews.

3:30 am. Read the phone book.

4:00 am. Still reading phone book.

4:30 am. STILL READING PHONE BOOK…LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Calm down, Bri. Caaaaaalm down.

Sorry. Sorry. Calming down. Calming down.

5:00 am. Do one armed push-ups. Do 50 reps [of 1/50 of a one-armed push-up]

5:30 am. Flit about neighborhood in leopard-printed spandex, stealing everyone's newspapers.

6:00 am. Hoard newspapers in a hole in neighbor's back yard.

6:30 am. – 11:30 am. Twiddle thumbs, take random pictures for MySpace (most of which are of my toes)

12:00 pm. Therapist visits. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE talk. She's such a good listener.

12:30 pm. Eat lunch. (stir fry with rice cooked at the RIGHT TIME!!)

1:00 pm. Visit from……

Oh geez. Let's just skip this part. Go on and tell the nice people about how you pretend to play mini-golf in your neighbor's dining room at 2:00.

But I MUST finish!! At 1:00 pm. I get visited by the… the…

For pete's sake, if you're going to say it, JUST SAY IT.

I…I don't know if I can. Can you help me?

*sigh*. No one can help you. But alright. At 1:00 pm., you get visited by the… PHANTOM OF PAPERCLIPS.

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DEAR!!! YOU'VE SAID THE DREADED WORDS!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! JUST LEAVE ME AND MY SICK OBSESSION WITH ANTONIO BANDERAS ALONE!!! HEAD FOR NEVERLAND, KISS YOUR CLOSEST DUCT TAPE ROLL, AND FOR PETE'S SAKE, DON'T LET THE OOMPA-LOOMPAS FIND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oompa loompas? Oh, geez, it's a good thing -*urk*

 

Note from author's doctor: At five thirty pm, when Bri is usually visited by her counselor, she was found with her toe stuck up her nose, her other leg attempting to strangle herself, and five cardboard stand-ups of Antonio Banderas torn to pieces. Because we weren't able to figure out how to get her out of such a position, we took a picture, uploaded it onto her myspace, and shipped her off, yet again, to the psycho ward. Although many of our doctors are starting to wonder if she will ever be able to function normally for extended periods of time in the real world, I still have hope for her. Sorry for the inconvenience.

*Note from Author's Nurse*: Whoever is sending Bri pictures of Antonio Banderas, please stop. After the stolen-tuxedo incident, she has adopted an unhealthy obsession to him. Please do not fuel this phase of her poor, psychotic life. Thank you.

 

Posted in Teenage Life

Things to do when you’re bored

Posted on by Rachel

Get on Youtube and search for iRack. Even for the conservatives out there, it’s still funny. I thought it was entertaining, at least. And I’m conservative….
Also, type in the word ‘yink’ into spell checker and see what comes up.
It makes me smile.
Actually
not much comes up in Word
but it’s still funny to think about…

Posted in Blog

MoMo and Bri are bored in biology

Posted on by Bri

Bri: Boooooooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeeed

MoMo: Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied

Bri: This is a stupid class. I HATE SCIENCE

MoMo: I kinda like it, but L.A. is much better.

Bri: I'm wearing the most comfortable shoes ever. They're like, massaging my feet, duuuude.

MoMo: Okay… Yeah… Sure Bri. That sounds great.

Bri: Dylan, would you like to say something?

Dylan(looking frightened and nausiated): No, I would not.

Bri: Are you SURE?

Dyaln: Wow. I just, can't beleive that. Bri, you need to get out more. Seriously.

Bri: Thanks a lot Dylan.

MoMo: Dylan, you're an idtiot. I'm having technical diffficultys. I think i'ts the green glassses! hELP ME

Bri: Ok, we're calming down now, MoMo. Caaaaaaaaaalming down. No! Bad MoMo! Stop hitting me with your lucky charms!! Nooo!!! Dang you, Irish!!!

MoMo: Ireland ROCKS… or maybe… ShamROCKS!!!!!! Heh heh.

Bri: Woooooooow…. Maybe it's not ME that needs to get out more, Dylan….

MoMo: Ach! I can't see! My glasses… they're gone! Nooooooooooooo!!!

Bri: Heeeey.. Trevor… you want to say something on our conversation on my website?

Trevor: I am…. OK.

MoMo: C'mon Trevor… You know you want to!

Bri: Come on, Trevor….. let's go to Caaaaaandy Mountain, Trevor!!

MoMo: jslj

Megan: MINE is the most common!

Dylan: Yeah, I know so many people with that last name…

Bri: I think they're talking about last names…

MoMo: What the heck?! Monkey! Sorry, that just slipped out. Oh, by the way, MoMo isn't even PRESENT in the phonebook!!!! Ooh– burneth!

Bri: That 'burneth' thing is really starting to get wierd… You want to talk on this, Dylan?

Dylan: No, I'm just looking at this..

MoMo: Whoa… everythings GREEN… AWESOME!!!

Dylan: Staring off into space…

Megan: Gowd, I hate this thing! I don't want this, and I don't want this.

Mrs. B: Alright, you have about ten minutes left to become experts.

Megan: STOP!

Dylan: Sorry! I was just looking at this thing… *mumble mumble* petifile *muble mumble* I did not!

Bri: You all have such interesting conversations

Dylan: wooooow, how did you find all this stuff out?

Megan: Why would I tell you?

Dylan: Fine, fine! (pouts)

MoMo: Turkeys SuCk! But Monkeys RoCk!! Or… ShamRoCk!

Bri: NOT MONKEYS, MOMO!! Well… we'd better sign off… say goodnight, MoMo… time to take your crazy pills…

MoMo: Goodnight, MoMo…

Posted in Fiction

Gomer and MoMo’s Discussion (#2)

Posted on by Ogomas

MoMo: Hey Gomer.

Ogomas: My computer has been down for 3 weeks! As soon as it's up again, I'm going to write a huge blog. But right now, there is not enough time.

MoMo: Awesome. My computer crashed once. We lost a bunch of files that we didn't back up, but It wasn't out for weeks like your's.

Ogomas: My dad said that he will fix it this weekend, but that's what he said last weekend. And the weekend before.

MoMo: That's great. My dad and I just got a crashed computer from my grandpa (well, not really just, because we've been saying we'll fix it up for a liitle over a year now. We'll probably make an attempt this summer, but we might no be able to find out what's wrong with it.)

Ogomas: No one likes a blaberer.

MoMo: No one likes a bad speller, either.

Ogomas: I don't have bad speling, the inventors of the Inglish Langage do.

MoMo: Can't really beat that.

Ogomas: Yesterday, I got hit with a rock and woke up unconcious.

MoMo: Wow, Gomer. That's great.

Ogomas: For lunch, I had breakfast. It only tasted good the first time down.

MoMo: Okay…

Ogomas: And then I tripped over a hole and fell into a wall.

MoMo: Hmmm…

Ogomas: It was a big hole. It rained all night that day.

MoMo: Yea… anyhoo… Wow. That was really great, Gomer. I know some people who I think can help you. You're just going to go on a little vacation.

Ogomas: And then my mom tried to cook cookies in the dish washer and burnt all of our plates.

MoMo: Okay, I'm just going to put this little white coat on you. No, It's not a straightjacket. These little straps are… the new fasion. Come on Gomer, nice and easy… GOMER!! COME BACK! I NEED TO PUT THIS STRAIGHTJ– I MEAN.. UH… COOL COAT ON YOU!!!

Ogomas: Hold on, I tasted someone calling me! Be right back!

MoMo: Bye everyone. I gotta catch Gomer. GOMER!! WAIT UP!!!

Ogomas: Tommorow, I went on a trip so fast that I ended up at last week- hey! Ow! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO- HELPP!!!! ACKK- BLUB- GURGLE…. *gasp…*

MoMo: Gomer. Put that knife down nice and easy. There's a good boy. Gomer! Wait!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

Note: to be continued after lunch. Or, for Gomer, breakfast a second time.