Baby, don’t hurt me. [too late] Fun fact: my high school’s graduating class of ’09 used that song for their graduation song. Thoughts? I think it’s dumb.
Continue reading “What is Love?”
What is Love?
Tag: love
I tried to warn you
So since the only three people blogging lately have been myself, my brother, and Cody (Scarface), you all have earned yourselves another depressing personal blog. Continue reading “I tried to warn you”
Let This Be A Warning
For every day that someone doesn’t fufill their blogging duty (and let me remind you, they CHOSE to blog weekly), I’m going to post a depressing or
insightful personal blog. Continue reading “Let This Be A Warning”
WTF
Did I lose all of my bloggers? What’s going on here, guys? I know that several of you were gone for Spring Break, but come on. I know Morgan was home yesterday for politics, I know Cody was home today for sports, I know Craig was here both Saturdays for Creepy with Craig, and I’m mostly sure that Dorenka was here Thursday. But I’m not positive about that last one so yeah.
It’s been a while
For NHS (National Honors Society), I’m participating in a charity called the “30 hour famine”. That means that I can’t eat for thirty hours, starting at noon on Sunday and ending at six on Monday. I’m two hours in, and I can smell my dad’s lunch. This does not bode well.
I have other announcements:
1. Bart and I, despite our dysfunctions, made it to State in debate!! The season continues! I’m very proud of this. Two of the people we debated (on separate teams, no less) told me that I’m a really great speaker and it seems like I do all the work. Well, yes, I do all the work. So thanks!
2. I can touch my tongue to my nose. Bart and I were waiting outside a room for our debate to start, and he told me to try it. I don’t remember why exactly. So I tried… and I could! Definitely the highlight of my day.
3. I have a date! I think. His name is Dylan and it took the combined powers of his debate team and my debate team (he goes to school across the valley) to get him to ask me on a date. I gave him my number, and since I can’t eat today he’s supposed to call me with what time his choice of movie is playing so I know when he’s picking me up. It’s almost two o’clock, and he has not called. Hm. Updates on that later. If there is a later.
4. I’m hungry.
5. 1984 is an awesome book and anyone who doesn’t like it is silly.
6. I am out of interesting things to say.
“Aaah, Jealousy” coos the green poodle
Boys are stupid. All of them. They can be stupid in relationships, in school, or in common sense.
But they're all stupid.
Shut up, green poodle. You're making it worse.
What's wrong with everyone these days? Lately, it seems like everyone is mad at everyone else, friendships and relationships are being tested, and no one is coming out on top?
My biggest fear is failure. Did you know that? I'm afraid to fail at school, at friends, at being me, at relationships, and at life in general. And lately, all that I've done is fail.
I've failed to make my AP group understand how important this is to me without yelling at them and making them hate me.
I've failed at getting an A in math because it wasn't as important to me.
I've failed at relationships AND friends at the same time because I've failed to make a clean break and I've failed to make him understand why I did it.
I've failed at life because I can't seem to make everyone else happy at the same time as being happy myself. Someone else is always sad, and I hate that. I feel guilty to be happy when someone I'm close to can barely look at me, or is having problems.
I hate feeling guily and trying to make everything better but failing because no one wants my help and I don't know how else to help them.
I hate it when the only thing left to do is hate myself for everything I've done and move on.
I hate it when everyone turns their backs on their own problems, even though I do it to myself to help other people. I'm so loaded with the feelings and problems of everyone else that I forget about myself and I totally disregard my feelings. I feel happy that I've hepled someone or made them happy one way or another, but it's a shallow happiness, because inderneath, I'm not really happy. Everyone else is, but I'm not, so then that makes me desperate to find a solution to make myself happy and everyone else by lying to myself and everyone, but then I start telling myself the truth and then everyone else, or maybe just that one person, gets mad at me and is "disapointed in my decision".
I don't knwo how to fix things anymore, so I'm going to stop trying. Everyone else can fix things, and I'm just going to sit here and let them. Because every time I try to make everyone, including myself happy, it falls through and then it sucks worse than before. So I'm done.
You want things to change? Change it yourself. I'm done making things worse. I'm done trying to make myself happy and not be depressed or living in a lie. I'm done pretending to be someone just to make someone else feel good, because that's not fair to me.
I'm finally going to be true to myself and not let anyone else chagne how I feel about things just to make them happier.
I'm done trying to help. So help yourselves. Because i'm DONE.
Boyfriend
It's funny. I never really thought of it like this.
Today, I said it outside, for the first time out loud. "I have a boyfriend"
And honestly? I felt kind of silly, like I was a six year old.
"Mommy, mommy! I made a new boyfriend!"-six year old Bri.
It sounds corny!
I've never really thought of it like that.
When you don't have one, it sounds like something you can't afford, that insanely big treasure you just can't reach.
Not the actual boyfriend- just the ability to say "I have a boyfriend"
And then, when you get one, if you really like him, you think "What a ridiculous thing to look forward to! Just being able to say 'I have a boyfriend' used to be my dream! Now what?"
Which brings me to my next subject.
Some people don't date for the person, mostly they date for either social reasons or because all they want is a physical relationship. That's a waste of their time, but it's their problem, so I'm staying out of it.
If you're going to date someone, make sure it's someone you really like, someone you really trust. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you call them, all that matters is that you have someone you really, truly like.
Standards and a note
On 2-22-07, after Mike requested that I write up my standards for my "future guy", he passed me a note about it.
Bri's Standards:
*Taller than me
*Funny
*Interesting (can keep a conversation going)
*doesn't expect me to change drastically for him
*Has always been a boy (No sex changes) (He thought this one was funny)
*Doesn't smoke/ do drugs
*Trustworthy
*Somewhat intelligent
*Polite (for my dad)
The note goes as follows (Mike is italic):
Whatever you say, but why do they need to be polite for your dad?
Because otherwise y dad will kill them, and/or because I wouldn't be able to go out with them otherwise
(Manchester Untited SUCKS. Arsenal kicked their ***!) I don't think that should matter.
You don't think what my dad thinks should matter? I don't really have a choice, but I'm willing to argue it for someone I really like.
It's your life, your parents should lighten up (you're in a breakish downish state) (???)
And then we went on to discuss other things, and he informed me that me and Brandon would be getting married in Vegas, but I said I wanted to go somewhere with more roller coasters. And then we just talked about pretty much nothing until the bell rang. Strange, no?
I Know What Jerks Are
A jerk is someone who pretends to be your friend for a while, then decides not to talk to you much at all, and then, when they need your help, the come back. And after you help them, they lapse back in to ignoring you.
That is a true jerk. A jerk isn't someone who calls you fat, ugly, or stupid. Those people don't even know you. They're just rude.
A jerk is someone who actually gets to know you, learns about your strengths and insecurities, and then calls you names while still expecting you to help them when they need it. A one-sided deal.
Parasitism is the relationship between two organisms where one benefits at the other's expense. Parasitism. Like a bad friendship. A jerk is a parasite. A bad friend is a jerk. Therefore; STOP PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK ANYMORE. YOU AREN'T WORTH MY TIME, SO STOP WASTING MY LIFE AS WELL AS YOUR OWN, STOP TALKING TO ME, AND GO AWAY.
People Stink Sometimes
Today's synopsis:
Apparently:
I have wrinkles
I dress like someone's grandma
I am of no identifiable gender
It's ok to throw paper airplanes at me and expect me to give them back
I'm not worth respecting
Even though I'm the ONLY person they [he] trust[s], they [he] can still torture me and take me for granite and expect me to still be there
In other news:
High school kids [guy friends] are cruel
And that is the biggest understatement in the universe.